It’s been a while

It really has been way too long since I’ve posted anything here…

Well I’m now officially in year 13, I only have 10 months left of college, it’s crazy it really is! We’ve already started applying for uni, my choices have all changed slightly – hopefully going to uni will work out really well well for me and Scott too which will be a bit of a bonus! The whole process is a bit scary and confusing but, and it’s crazy how soon the forms all have to be in.

I’m finally able to drop Politics this year so now I’m down to the 3 subjects I actually enjoy – although I’m not sure if I’ll enjoy media all that much because I don’t really get on with anyone in my class…

It’s Scott’s first day at his college today – I’m really looking forward to hearing how it’s gone!

I am so happy with everything and everyone in my life at the moment, last night I was just sat thinking about how much Scott has changed my life for the better and has helped me achieve so much. We’ve been together for 17 months! The time has gone so fast – I’m really looking forward to seeing him in October again.

There is so much happening of the next year and I’m looking forward to every bit of it. I’m hoping Scott can stay in Cambridge for New Year this year but I don’t know I was hoping to arrange something special for us but I don’t know if I’ll be able to. It will be really good if I can do what I want to but if not I know we’ll still be able to spend time together either in Cambridge or in Dorset.

So far things have really picked up and I am genuinely really happy, I’m so lucky to have an amazing boyfriend, good friends, and a truly perfect family!

-O&O-

A good day turns sour

Today started off really well, I got to see my media coursework played on the big screen in one of the cinemas in Cambridge, it was really good and I had a laugh with Shona. It was nice to not feel like I had any pressure to do anything a specific way or act a certain way.

Once the stuff at the cinema had finished I spent pretty much the rest of the day on my own, it was nice in a way to not have to do what everyone else wants me to do, I could just do what I wanted it was great.

But I was soon brought back to reality, I got home to find out my bus pass to college isn’t go to be renewed for free, I’ll have to pay £600 for it… my parents can’t afford that sort of money, neither can I. I don’t know what to do about it, I can’t just leave college if I did that then I'd be proving everyone right, they all think I won’t go to university because I won’t get the grades or I’ll drop out of college. I’m not going to I’m going to keep going, I’ve got this far, I’m not going to give up now.

I have some exciting news though my poetry and lyrics writing is taking off quite well and I’m also thinking about getting back into rapping! So things on that front are looking up!

I hope me and Scott can get back on track properly soon things between us are pretty tough at the moment, I know we’ll get through it, we always do.

I need to get as many extra days as possible before the end of July so I can afford to go to Scott’s I’m sure I will be able to I just need £150 in total for the holiday and train tickets to begin with but then I will need some extra cash for paying for stuff while I’m there. I’m hoping the data entry company sort out their site soon as I can make some money there too but I’m definitely going to make sure I’m at work as much as possible over the next 2 weeks.

- OVER AND OUT -

A little improvment

Things seem to be improving a little a college, I think I’m finding my place there again.

My poetry is also improving, I’m just writing all the time whenever I have the time… I’m just loving writing again.

Today I journeyed to Burger King with Koshie and had lunch their… I love Burger King… I think I have an addiction.

I got to go home from college early today because my last lesson was technically cancelled. I might have next Thursday off college because of some teacher strikes.

I’m worried about when Scott and Stacey come to stay in Cambridge, because I don’t want Stacey to get up set about me and Scott being together (like physically)… I think I would in her position… So I don’t want things to be awkward for her, but at the same time I want to be able to be with Scott properly for a change especially as we will actually be able to be a proper couple, well at least for a few days… So I don’t know what to do about that….

Anyways, early night as I need to get enough sleep so that I am able to go to work at the weekend…. I have no weekend this weekend I am going to be so dead next week.

- OVER AND OUT -

Ps I might be a properly published poet soon…. all down to if kindle accepts me ebook filled with poems…. already working on my second one, REALLY EXCITED

It’s hard… it really is.

Me and Scott are patching things up I know most people think that I’m stupid but I love him and I care about him and we both want to make things work. There is a big trust issue for me with him right now because of what I saw, it will take time for that to come back I know it won’t come back over night but I hope he understands that and realises it. Things are incredibly hard at the moment but we are working things out and are trying to move forward. I just hope that he proves to me I am doing the right thing by giving him this chance and not make me look like a mug for giving him this chance. – The only thing that is getting me through this is how much I love him and care about him – If he throws it back in my face I’m cutting him out of my life for good because I can’t go through this again.

Today I went to a higher education conference, which has made me really think about this whole uni thing again. I have a lot of reading to do now and a booklet from college to fill out too.

I’m working tomorrow and need a lot of sleep before I’m remotely ready for being there… I’m so exhausted I can’t begin to describe it.

- OVER AND OUT -

Start of Year 2

Things between me and Scott have been all over the place a lot recently, but right now things between us are really good and hopefully they will stay like this. I’m really looking forward to seeing him in July! He wants me to go on this canal tour thing with his family but I don’t know a lot about it, although hopefully I can go.

Not a lot has been happening really, I’m going back to college tomorrow and starting my second year of college already! Even though I may not be able to get in yet… kind of crazy when you think about it. If i do get in for next year then I’ll be one step closer to going to uni, if not…. then I’ll have to think of something else to do!

Anyways I need to sleep and read my new book.

- OVER AND OUT -

Just one of those days

Today I’ve been in a really odd mood, I’m thinking about things way to much that I would normally think about. It really isn’t like me to be like this.

I was really worried this morning because I woke up to a text from Joe saying that our ICT exam was today and not tomorrow. Turns out it is actually tomorrow, I figured that out after 20 mins of panicking.

Once I realised I was actually going to be home all day I decided to just chill out completely all day, something I haven’t been able to do in a while, I ended up doing some data entry work (earnt £9.10, I’ve worked out that this month i should earn over £200, will be pretty cool if that happens!!) and I’ve spent hours playing on zoo tycoon, so basically I’ve wasted the day.

I have spent quite a bit of the day talking to Scott which has been good and will really make up for the fact I can’t talk to him for practically the whole day tomorrow as I’m in isolation all day…. I’m really not looking forward to it. I’ve discovered that he looks REALLY good in a proper shirt, I think he should wear them more often.

I’ve been looking at starting driving lessons again but I really do think it’ll be way to expensive for the time being, especially when I’m trying to save for uni.

Me and Scott have started to have major problems again tonight. He had ago at me for being upset, which I can’t really help if that’s how I feel, I thought he would have been there for me but instead he had a go at me. I don’t think I’m allowed to have feelings anymore. He posts all our problems on facebook and that kind of annoys me because our relationship is private, I don’t want everyone knowing all our problems like that… Plus I found out that the chain I got him for us being together a year, he never got fixed after it got broken, that kind of hurt me a little bit because that was supposed to be something special, but it can’t of meant that much to him if he’s left it this long. I wish things like this would stop happening between us…

Milly has invited me out with everyone for a Chinese, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go as if I do I won’t be able to afford to do anything with Scott and Stacey when they come to stay in Cambridge.

- OVER AND OUT -

Day out with the grandparents

 

I haven’t posted anything recently as there hasn’t really been a lot going on.

Yesterday – Exam Day

At the moment I am on study leave which means I only have to go in for the exams.

Yesterday I had my business exam, at 9am, I really wasn’t awake enough to sit an exam. I don’t think I did as well as my last exam for business (I got an A)  but as long as I pass I will have the chance to re-sit it next year.

The exam was supposed to finish at half 10 but we started it late which meant me and Matt missed the 10.50 bus, we decided to walk down to Waitrose to buy some food, (I got a chicken and stuffing sandwich, I love them) then we walked all the way back to other bus stop to meet Sophie and Jonny (It was Jonny’s Birthday) and got the 11.50 bus with them.

Once I finally got home I watched neighbours and just chilled out all afternoon.

TODAY – Lunch in Scotsdales with my grandparents

Today, me and my Mum went out with my Nan and Granddad to Scotsdales and had lunch in the garden centre and had a look round. It was really nice to see them as I haven’t seen them for ages, because I’m usually at college or work whenever they come over to our house.

I saw an advert in the paper this morning for a sale on a laptop at Argos with a 6GB RAM which is really unusual, my parents have agreed to pay for it tomorrow and I’ll just pay them back £150 of it, as the rest will be for my 18th birthday present. I can’t wait to get it as then I’ll be able to start getting all the software that I want and not have to worry about effecting the pc for everyone else. Can’t wait for tomorrow!

Waterloo road tonight, I love that program.

- OVER AND OUT -

Sometimes Life Is Busy...

 

Friday Night – Work Outing (Lucky Star & Bowling)

Friday I ended up coming home from college early as I didn’t want to sit through endless optional revision sessions.

I spent the afternoon at Bethany’s having a catch up, we then went to the station to catch (and meet everyone else on) the train. Originally for our work evening out we were supposed to go to Nando’s but because we were going to have to wait 50 minutes for a table big enough to fit us all on (9 people; me, Bethany, Lucy, Megan, May, Scott, Josh, Lucy and Rosie) we decided to go to the Luck Star instead which is an all you can eat Chinese Buffet. We all ate loads of food and as Bethany put it – went into food comas. Lovely May paid for everyone’s food too! We then went bowling although Josh and Scott didn’t come as they were going to a party instead. Bowling was hilarious as May wanted to get us all drunk, plus we were all terrible at bowling. It was a really great evening generally as it was good fun and everyone was just really relaxed. We got a taxi home at about half 11, the taxi journey was really funny as we were all a little bit tipsy.

 

Saturday – Work

This morning was quite a struggle to get up due to the late night, BUT I did manage to get up and out of bed at 7:30 am which I thought was pretty impressive.

I started my day this morning talking to Scott on Skype, which was really nice way to start the day off. Especially now that everything is good between us again, we had a really good conversation and had a good laugh together too.

Today has felt like a really long day as it was really busy at work. I’m starting to feel more settled in the job because I’m becoming more familiar with everything. There are new tills though which are slightly more confusing than the old ones but I’m sure it won’t take too long to get used to them!

I’m starting to come down with a cold but I think that’s because of the lack of sleep I’ve had over the past week or so. I’m planning on having an early night so that I’m prepared for work tomorrow!

- OVER AND OUT -

I got a certificate

Today at college it seemed to be a complete waste of time.

First lesson, business, all we did was some revisions sheets that we had done before.

Second lesson was actually worth going in for I got my certificate for the health course I have been doing, plus i got my t-shirt. Plus our photo is going to be in the college magazine.

Third lesson, media, all we did was play singstar. Me, Shona and Becka best Joe and Saffy it was good fun, but really a waste of an hour and a half.

Last lessons was ICT and it was yet again really pointless. All we did was go through stuff we had done before.

I’m really tired now and just want to cuddle up in bed with Scott… I can’t wait to see him. I really miss him. I’m so glad that we have sorted everything out and that it’s all good between us again.

I’m going out tomorrow night with work, I’m going to my friend Bethany’s (who I haven’t seen since leaving secondary school) house, then we’re getting the train together, then meeting everyone at Nando’s and going bowling. Should be a really good night! I’m really looking forward to it. Although I’m working Saturday and Sunday so lack of sleep may kick in at some point.

Bout it really…

- OVER AND OUT -

1 out of 4

I managed to finish the massive list of entries I got assigned by my data entry boss people in my free today which I was quite chuffed about!

My business lesson at college was pretty boring today we got feedback on our mocks from our teacher individually which meant once your 2 minutes of advice was up you had to sit and revise. As usual in these kinds of circumstances I got side tracked and found plenty of other things to do other than the revision that was in front of me.

Lunch was a normal lunch really nothing exciting happened in particular.

I had half of my free as I had my Media exam today (the first of four exams). I don’t think I did very well in it to be honest as I didn’t understand half of the paper that was worth 50 marks, which could effect my grade quite considerably.

Me and Scott are slowly getting back to how we used to be/ should be , it really is a case of giving it all some time to sort itself out.

I’m really looking forward to Friday, going out with work and getting to see Bethany, it will be good to have a catch up. Then I’m working with her on Saturday as well. Plus I’m working Sunday… This week is turning into a pretty good week for earning money.

I decided to work on the last few parts of my little project so that I would be able to launch it, turns out where blogger was down the whole thing was put back to where it was 3 weeks ago or something stupid so I’ve spent most of this evening rebuilding it, the launch is now being put back by a few days while everything is being sorted out…

Today hasn’t been that interesting really.

- OVER AND OUT -

Exams, stress & more stress

 

Today has been surprisingly good although I’ve been tired all day which hasn’t been to great. Plus it was a full day at college without any frees, although I had a laugh with everyone which made it feel as though the day was passing really fast.

I have my media exam tomorrow, I’m starting to get really nervous for it I don’t feel prepared at all… BUT I have a free first thing tomorrow which means I can revise then.

I have reached just over 900 entries for my data entry job this month, I’m quite pleased with that considering I have really spent much time doing it.

Me and Scott still aren’t great but things are improving although I have just found out next summer he isn’t going to be around at all, add that to the fact we aren’t going to be able to speak/ see each other for 3 weeks this summer, its just…. We don’t get to spend the time together I would want us to anyways now we won’t get to spend the time we could actually be able to spend together. Its frustrating/ annoying/ upsetting…. I don’t know. But there things Scott wants to do so I can’t get in the way of that. Plus next summer is going to be really important for me because it’s the summer before I go off to uni so it would have been nice to have him around for that, but he’s got things he wants to do so…. These things happen, just can’t focus on them too much until they happen. Plus I was hoping that maybe we could have gone away together as I would be 18 by then but we can’t seeing as he won’t be around next summer and I didn’t want to tell Scott because I was hoping to surprise him bit late for all that now.

Not a lot else to say really, need to catch up on my sleep!

- OVER AND OUT -

Me and My Dinosaur

The last 24 hours since I posted have been eventful to say the least. – But there again it is Friday 13th!

Me and Scott have been all over the place literally one minute everything has been fine the next its been really bad. But I think right now everything is pretty good between us! Last night I thought I was doing something nice to cheer him up by sending him the playlist of songs I made (songs that I associate with us) turns out he already had it so it wasn't as special as I thought and I felt like and idiot and though it wasn’t a good idea.

My phone has been playing up majorly today as well – it hasn’t been receiving text since last night…

Today at college I had two mocks, a politics one first thing – which I have more than definitely failed. I didn’t understand a single word of the paper. I then had a free with Milly, Hannah, George and Stuart, we didn’t do anything in particular we just sat around talking, but it was good because because normally I would have my Friday free on my own. Then I had my business mock, it went okay but I definitely need to put in some revision before the actually exam!

Andrew Lansley didn’t turn up for the little conference thing due to protecting the health and safety of the students and the staff at our college. Basically a load of protest groups were saying they were going to turn up and they thought it was all going to get violent so our principal cancelled it. Personally I thought I would have been pretty exciting….

My weekend is going to be unusually busy – tomorrow I’m going shopping with my Mum and Dad, I have to make sure they get the right food, then I have a whole load of things to do for my data entry job – but that means more money! Sunday I’m working at the Wildlife Park, on my lunch break I’ll try and get some pictures of some of the animals… Definitely going to make the most of Saturday though as it’s my only day off where I can do anything this week as I’ve had college all week now and I’ve got work on Sunday.

Not a lot else to say really… Oh yeah the title is because I changed my background/ layout due to the last one breaking, I have no idea why, but now I’ve got a new mascot for my blog my little dinosaur. I love it!

- OVER AND OUT -

The worst I’ve felt in ages

Last night I had the worst nights sleep I’ve had in ages due to the fact I spent most of it throwing up… it really wasn’t nice. Because of last night I didn’t go to college today as I had practically no sleep.

My little project is going really well, I’m really pleased with everything to do with it so far there is still a long way for it to go before I can launch it properly but its getting there.

I have had a really lazy day today because I’ve been so tired. Scott thought I’’ve been off with him but I haven’t I’ve just been really tired. He seems to be down all the time whenever I talk to him at the moment, I hope this isn’t a sign for they way things are going to become between us.

Not a lot else to say people.

- OVER AND OUT -

Have you ever felt like a couple of hours is in fact a lifetime?

Today at college it consisted of only two lessons but somehow they seemed to feel as though they lasted a lifetime. Media was all about exam prep and I still just can’t seem to take in any of the key terms for the exam, we’re having a mock tomorrow – I’m really not looking forward to. ICT consisted of us going over and over things that we have already done, it was pretty boring and I ended up just sitting their refreshing my facebook, probably not the best thing to be doing this close to the exam but my attention span lately has been really short…

Tomorrow I have a full day, no frees, 9am till 4.10 pm its going to be a long day but I hope it passes quickly so that I can get home to work on my project. I’m getting really into it and its really starting to come together, and in a strange way I’m kind of proud of it, I should be able to launch it soon.

I’m getting really excited to be going back to work on Sunday, I love the fact that I have actually finally got a job, plus I love working their as all the people are really nice.

Not a lot else going on really. – Me and Scott are really good at the moment which is a bonus.

- OVER AND OUT -

Short But Sweet

I’m really tired so I’m going to try and keep this post really short.

I’m really worried about Scott as his concussion hasn’t really gone from the weekend and I can’t do anything to help him, I wish there was more I could do but there isn’t. I feel basically useless.

Today has been a fairly busy day, had every single lesson but managed to clear a few things up. I collected the pink form I’ve been waiting for for a few days and filled it in, just need to hand it in tomorrow, I’m applying to be a student mentor.

Life is just really crazy at the moment and I’m starting my own little project which has plenty of ways for it to expand but I’ll tell you all more about that some other time.

I just feel absolutely shattered, at college all day tomorrow but I have two frees so it’s not all bad.

- OVER AND OUT -

intended for yesterday (9th May 2011)

‘One of those days’

“Just when I felt like giving up on us You turned around and gave me one last touch That made everything feel better And even then my eyes got wetter So confused wanna ask you if you love me But I don't wanna seem so weak Maybe I’ve been California dreaming”

I love this song ever since I heard it on her album, the video just makes it even better.

Today has felt like a weird day.

I’ve felt really weird and so confused about loads of stuff in my life. I don’t know why. I’ve just been questioning everything and if I’m making the right decisions, I guess it’s because I’m coming up to that point where the decisions I make now will seriously affect the rest of my life.

Scott sent me a text that was meant for one of his friends, but I started getting annoyed at the fact he had put more kisses at the end to her than he does to me sometimes. Pathetic, I know. When he asked me what was wrong I didn’t tell him because I was being stupid but he hasn’t left it all day.

I’ve started major work on my little project, I’m still keeping it all under wraps until it’s finished and then I’ll explain everything to you.

College today has seemed really boring, Koshie has chicken pox that’s about the most interesting thing that has happened at college.

Business we were just doing revision stuff and it seems like I’m on track but you can never be sure, one day you think you’re doing really well the next day it turns out your not. Politics really dragged today I guess it didn’t really help that the classroom was boiling and it was starting to make me feel ill, although I did surprise myself and I was able to answer some of the questions and normally I don’t even bother participating because I don’t know the answers or don’t understand.

I didn’t have to wait around for the bus as my Dad finished work late so he came to pick me up which was pretty good.

Not a lot else going on really

- OVER AND OUT -

A day By The Sea

I woke up really early this morning purely down to the fact that I just couldn’t sleep and hadn’t been able to all night. So I spent  a while just sorting out my e-mails and stuff.

Once everyone else in my family got up I got ready and then me, my mum and my dad went to Cromer. Cromer is a beach on the Norfolk coast. This was because my dad has to pick up some stuff he had won on ebay. We carried on driving from the persons house so that we were actually on the coast and then got some fish and chips, once we finished lunch we headed back home.

Right now I’m facing a pile of college coursework and two really long lists of data entry to do.

- OVER AND OUT -

Perfect Two

I don’t think Scott remembered but today we have been together for 13 months, quite a long time really. Although today has been kind of ruined by the fact that last night we were arguing and now today things have been weird between us. At the moment we’re not even talking, so things really aren’t that great between us and if I’m honest I don’t really know what to do about it.

I spoke to my ex Louis today/ last night and we had a bit of a catch up since we’ve split up we’ve become really good mates. He’s now got himself a new girlfriend and I’m really pleased for him because he’s been through a lot lately and she seems like a really nice girl, so I hope it all works out for him.

College today has felt really long, most probably because I’ve been in a really bad mood all day and I didn’t sleep last night. I had politics and business today. My politics teacher wasn’t in so we had our old teacher and I ended up doing nothing for the whole lesson, probably not the best plan but I really couldn’t be bothered. I had a free second lesson so I just chilled out with loads of people having a laugh, then I had business which unusually seemed to last forever. Then I got to go home, after a little detour to Waitrose.

Right now I’m preparing for this trial I’ve got tomorrow, wish me luck guys… I really don’t know what to expect since I haven’t been able to get very far with many job applications so right now I’m not getting my hopes up too much.

- OVER AND OUT-

It’s been a long day so there is a long post

Well, what did the day have in store for me today?

Firstly I had a fire drill at college just before our first lesson was due to start. It was pretty cold but Lizzie was happy because she was in first thing but was free till 1.05pm and she was going to be on her own for about 4 hours while everyone was in their lessons., so for her the fire drill meant she had about 5 minutes longer with me and Abbey than she would otherwise of had.

Then I had business, I love my business lessons, they are always really interesting but they always seem to pass really fast which is really annoying. I really can’t wait until I am able to hopefully continue studying it at university. I don’t know why but I just love the subject.

My second lesson is actually scheduled as a free on Thursdays but for the last few weeks I have been taking part in this health workshop which means I will become a ‘health champion’. Basically I’ve been taking sexual awareness workshops, alcohol awareness workshops, drug awareness workshops, and internet safety workshops. In two weeks time we will become qualified to give other people our advice on how to stay safe and answer their questions about those topics, plus we get a t-shirt so people can identify who we are. Plus it’s something to add to my personal statement and my CV.

Lunch was pretty funny me and Lizzie were fairly hyper and just spent most of it messing around quite a lot, it was pretty funny… those moments where you had to be there.

Media seemed to drag quite a bit today which is quite unusual, normal it goes really fast. I don’t know why, I guess it maybe because I wasn’t really enjoying what we were doing in class.

ICT was so funny, I’ve finished all of my coursework so I spent the time helping other people finish theirs, well mainly Sam. He only had half of it done but we managed to get it so he was completely finished by the end of the lesson which was pretty good. Me, him and Jess had a pretty good laugh looking at some of the jobs on gumtree.com some of the stuff we found was pretty unusual to say the least, but there again so was some of our conversations that we were having. Matt’s story about his finger and how he hurt it had me and Kirsty in stiches for about 5/ 10 minutes it was so funny, he just couldn’t stop laughing, it was just his face and all his gestures while he was explaining it.

Since I’ve got home I’ve had a really nice long relaxing bath and settled down to do some of my college work that I have been putting off for a while, watched Kerry Katona the next chapter and gossip girl, I love those two shows!

I have my trial on Saturday and I’m bricking it, but I’m also really looking forward to it. If I get this job it would mean so much to me because it would show that someone really does believe in me, plus it will mean I have a bit of money coming in that I can save for university and preparing for it.

It’s a shame I won’t be able to talk to Scott tomorrow night (he’s going out with his mates) I’m probably going to get really nervous tomorrow and it would have been good to have him to talk to to stop me thinking about all the bad things that could potentially happen.

I have  a short day at college tomorrow, I love Fridays! Plus that does mean I have time to prepare for Saturday. I’m bricking it…

- OVER AND OUT -

Brand New Blog

Some of you may have come a long from my old blog and some of you may be brand new people who have decided to join me and my random goings on.

Today has been a pretty short day at college, I’ve only had two lessons media and ICT. Media was a pretty chilled out lesson but ICT was quite full on with a mock test. I don’t think I did all that well in probably down to the fact I forgot all about it and didn’t revise…

I don’t have any data entry work to do which means I’m not going to earn any money today. But I have been doing it in my spare time the last two days so it’s nice to have a break. I’ve also got my trial on Saturday at Shepreth Wildlife Park which my friend Bethany managed to get for me, hopefully I make a good impression and get the job.

I’ve been looking at volunteering opportunities but there isn’t anything around here, which is really annoying as I wanted to really do something where I was helping someone else.

Anyways that’s it about me for now

- OVER AND OUT -