It’s been a while

It really has been way too long since I’ve posted anything here…

Well I’m now officially in year 13, I only have 10 months left of college, it’s crazy it really is! We’ve already started applying for uni, my choices have all changed slightly – hopefully going to uni will work out really well well for me and Scott too which will be a bit of a bonus! The whole process is a bit scary and confusing but, and it’s crazy how soon the forms all have to be in.

I’m finally able to drop Politics this year so now I’m down to the 3 subjects I actually enjoy – although I’m not sure if I’ll enjoy media all that much because I don’t really get on with anyone in my class…

It’s Scott’s first day at his college today – I’m really looking forward to hearing how it’s gone!

I am so happy with everything and everyone in my life at the moment, last night I was just sat thinking about how much Scott has changed my life for the better and has helped me achieve so much. We’ve been together for 17 months! The time has gone so fast – I’m really looking forward to seeing him in October again.

There is so much happening of the next year and I’m looking forward to every bit of it. I’m hoping Scott can stay in Cambridge for New Year this year but I don’t know I was hoping to arrange something special for us but I don’t know if I’ll be able to. It will be really good if I can do what I want to but if not I know we’ll still be able to spend time together either in Cambridge or in Dorset.

So far things have really picked up and I am genuinely really happy, I’m so lucky to have an amazing boyfriend, good friends, and a truly perfect family!

-O&O-

So I haven’t written in a while…

I haven’t written here for a few days, maybe even a week. That’s because I haven’t really been doing anything but WORKING, on my odd day off all I seem to be doing is sleeping.

Work is going pretty well at the moment, I’m learning a lot of stuff. The other day I was pus in charge of cooking for a bit – that was pretty fun and I was quite proud of myself because I managed to fill all the orders.

I can’t wait for Scott to get back from Nepal, I’m working on a surprise for him for when he gets back at the moment, hopefully he likes it. I’ve sorted his birthday presents out too so that I can give them to him in person, they are all things he’s said he’s liked so hopefully he hasn’t changed his mind since. All I want is a cuddle from him.

Me and my dad are arguing a hell of a lot at the moment – he thinks he knows everything even when he’s proven wrong. Can’t wait to escape and have some time out with Scott, and be a normal couple!

I’m so excited to be seeing him, and I can’t believe how soon it is. All I have left to do is pack really, and even that is half done! I’ve got my train tickets and everything else all sorted.

- Over and Out -

I can’t believe I’m only just realising this now…

When someone isn’t there to talk to when they would normally be there you start to realise somethings like I did today.

I’ve finally realised that what has happened in the past between me and Scott needs to stay in the past all the people getting involved, and saying things, all the past problems. They all don’t need to be put in the past because that’s where they belong, they don’t need to be brought up in arguments. We have a future together and we can’t let the past ruin that.

When we’re not together I miss all the things you would get in a regular relationship but in some ways the distance is a good thing because we talk more than other people do, we appreciate each other a hell of a lot more, and we definitely appreciate the time we get to spend together a lot more.

I’ve also realised how much I don’t open up to him, he’s said it to me, but when I talk to him regularly I didn’t notice how much I haven’t been opening up to him. It must really hurt him. So when he comes back I’ve made a promise to myself that I’ll open up to him like I used to when we first got back together, I’ll tell him how my day has been, what’s bothering me, and what is going on, I’m not going to shut him out anymore because doing things like that will push him away.

I really can’t wait for Scott to get back from Nepal and for our relationship to be how it should be and for us to be happy, making each other laugh like we used to, telling each other stories and just having a good time.

I know I have a really good loving future with Scott, he gives me everything and more. I love him and care about him and recently I’ve stopped showing that and have started taking him for granted and that must hurt him. I’m going to show him how much he means to me when he gets back and how much I really do value every single little thing he does for me. Also how much I wouldn’t want to be without him and how much I value our relationship. He really is one in a million and I am incredibly lucky to have him.

Someone at work asked me the other day if I think Scott is ‘the one’. I haven’t really thought about that kind of thing before, Scott has always said he wants us to get married and have a family and I’ve always sort of given him the one day answer. But since I was asked that question at work I’ve really thought about it and I actually think he is, I want to have a family with him, get married, live together all of it because he is amazing, he does everything and more, he’s always trying to put a smile on my face and keep me happy. I need to tell him this.

Other than doing a lot of thinking about mine and Scott’s relationship I have just had a chilled out day. I didn’t do half a lot of the things I planned to but I’m one day closer to Scott being back and one day closer to being with him and spending time with him. I really can’t wait to spend some time together, go on our first holiday, see his results, watch films, go on some long walks. It’s going to be amazing.

Back to work tomorrow, I’m looking forward to it. 3 days at work then I’m off on Monday so me and my family are going to Southend on Sea for a day out. It’ll be good to spend some time with  my family because we haven’t done that in a while.

-O&O -

Such a long day!

Today has been crazily busy! Only just realised sitting here now with nothing to do that in total I’ll be working 6 days this week!

I biked to work this morning it was quite nice seeing as the weather was sunny and there was no wind so I got to work quicker than I thought I would. The day went quite quickly really, there was hardly any customers to serve though so we did loads of cleaning type stuff and general tasks that we can’t do when it’s really busy. I blew up 50… YES 50 balloons today (my record is 80). Apparently now I am unfired which is pretty good and I’m being taught how to cook too! I’m looking forward to it. It’s been a pretty good day at work actually everyone was having a laugh and we all got to have lunch together which was a first, Abi told us some pretty funny stories too!

When Dad picked me up after work we went and got a KFC which was a nice surprise. Then Me, my parents and my sister watched the film ‘Grown Ups’ it was so funny I loved it. It’s the first time in ages I haven’t come in from work and jumped straight on my laptop. I missed out on talking to Scott because of it though – although he did leave a message on my facebook and I know he’s having a good time plus he sent me an e-mail which made me smile.

Was really weird not talking to him when I got up this morning on skype, I even got up early like I would usually do – it weird how much your routine can revolve around one person.

Got my day off tomorrow planning on staying in bed for quite a while, then tackling my room and tidying it up a bit, writing some more for my book and maybe some poems, and just generally chilling out.

Time for me to go to bed I think!

- O&O -

Been busy, going to get Busier

I’ve been at work today, I think I could actually get used to being there every day actually. After the rota had been fixed I’m now only off on Thursday for this whole week, to be honest I’m not complaining because it means the time will go quicker until Scott comes back plus I’ll get more money, so really it’s a win win situation. Looking forward to tomorrow – but hopefully it won’t be too busy.

Scott leaves tomorrow, I don’t want to not be able to talk to him for 3 weeks. But I’m keeping positive because I will be seeing him almost straight away when he gets back so there is something good at the end of it. Plus I have loads of things to get ready for when I go to Scott’s, add work to all of that the next three weeks (should in theory) fly by.

Not a lot else going on really…. I just don’t want tomorrow to come because I don’t want to not talk to Scott….

- Over and Out -

Hectic time…

I feel like I’ve been neglecting my blog lately, I’m kind of wondering whether to go back to my old one – just a small town girl, I don’t know why, I guess it’s because there is a lot of memories in that blog and I feel like I’ve lost them since I haven’t been writing in that blog. – If I go back to it, I’ll transfer the posts from this one to that one.

Anyways today has been pretty boring for me and pretty sad it’s getting closer to Scott going away, he’s going on Tuesday so his last day in England for three weeks is tomorrow and I’m hardly going to be able to talk to him because I’m working, more on that later. I’m feeling a bit odd about him going, I know I’m going to miss him even more than I already do anyways but, I guess it feels worse because he’s going to a different country and we won’t be able to talk at all. I need to stay positive though, I have set up a brand new blog so that I can write him a ‘letter’ each day so he can stay up to date with what I’m doing and how I’m feeling when he comes back. Plus I won’t forget anything in my boring life this way, not that there will be a lot to forget!

I was really annoyed earlier I got a text from Bethany saying the work rota had been changed so I’m not having a day off tomorrow, I’m working instead. But I’m not too fussed seeing as I’ll get more money for going in, which means more money for going to Scott’s.

Not a lot else to say really…

- Over and Out -

Nightmare of a day!

As the days get closer to Scott going away, it’s getting even harder to think of him not being there for 3 weeks. Today I did something I promised myself I’d never do, not open up to him but we had a little talk about it and we straightened things out and it wasn’t long until he had me smiling again.

I had a bit of a shock phone call today – I love my job. Basically because everyone wanted the same time off over the summer they can’t afford to keep everyone on and be short staffed so they’ve let me and another person go. It’s really gutting because I really enjoy working there but something else will come up and hopefully it won’t be too long until I have another job again. Plus I’m working there until the 19th August anyway so it should still fill a lot of my summer. This has really promoted me to find out what is happening to do with my data entry job too!

I’ve spent quite a lot of today trying to get some contacts together so that I can really get into the whole poetry and writing thing, I’ve also started my first proper story. Hopefully over the summer I can really produce some written works I am proud of and that other people enjoy to read too! I hope that within my written works I can get across different messages and create different emotions from my readers too. We’ll see how it goes in the future!

You might notice that I’ve added a few pictures down the side of this blog, I thought it needed a little bit of a change so I picked out a few of my favourite photos of me and Scott.

I’m missing Scott like crazy at the moment – all I want is a cuddle and a kiss so that today doesn’t feel as bad as it does right now. But I’ll be with him soon enough, and I’m with him for a really long time too so I can’t wait, it’s going to be truly amazing to see him, and I’ll be counting down the days while he’s away until I get to be with him. Tuesday is really coming round way faster than I want it too.

I had a bit of a chilled out evening watching the back episodes of the undercover boss on 4OD I love that show and can’t believe I watched it for the first time yesterday, I really recommend it to everyone but that’s probably because I’m a bit of a business head. I did get quite a good life quote from one of the episode – Quitters don’t win. I think I’m going to start living by that because it is so true!

- OVER AND OUT -

Join Me On…

You will probably know I write poetry, if you don’t you do know! I’d love for more people to see my poetry and to read it so I have created a page you can go like it here – Esjae (just click and press like) . I’ll really appreciate everyone who likes it!

-  OVER AND OUT -

Everything is going good again!

The past few days have really shown me how much Scott means to me and how much I always hope to have him in my life. It’s just all those little things he’s done or said that have shown me how good are relationship is, and what’s been even better, we haven’t been arguing as much – well at all really and it’s really made the world of difference to us! The last 15 months and a bit have been truly amazing and I know we have a long future together because somehow we always get through whatever is thrown our way, but we don’t do it separately we do it together which I think is really important with the distance between us. I know he’s finding it tough with his sister moving out at the moment, and it’s really tough when he’s on the phone in tears because of everything especially as I can’t physically be there for him and give him a hug – but we can talk things through and work out how to cope with different things. It is good to know I have someone I can open up to without being judged. It’s  even better sometimes that he knows how I’m feeling without me saying anything – it’s nice to not have to explain how I feel sometimes and to just talk things through without having to go over the problem. I love how he’ll do crazy things on skype just to see me smile. He's and incredible guy, and I’m incredibly lucky to call him mine.

Summer has started, and I have no plans other than seeing Scott after he comes back from Nepal and probably working quite a bit of it. It would have been nice to have some plans with some of my mates but in a way I’m glad I haven’t so I can spend some time with my family and working on the things I never get round to. Plus I will have a lot of time to work on my writing which always seems to get pushed back as last priority.

I’m trying to come up for ideas on what to get Scott for his birthday as I want to give him his present rather than send it to him and seeing as I’ll see him the week before his birthday I can, I just don’t know what to get him… I want it to be something different and that he won’t expect, but something personal too.

Not a lot else going on…

- OVER AND OUT-

Love a bit of Harry Potter

I saw the new Harry Potter film today, what can I say it was truly amazing, lived up to all of my expectations and more. I would definitely recommend it to everyone! We got to see it at half 9 in the morning before all the public viewings at 12 because our college has some connection with the picture house. Although I would say the 3D feature of the film didn’t really change a lot from the respect there wasn’t a lot of stuff that flew out of the screen like in other films but I wouldn’t say that is a bad thing. Quite a good way to end the college year, roll on next year!

Other than seeing that film I haven’t done a lot, I got my new reading glasses I absolutely hate wearing them but it will mean I won’t get anymore headaches when I’m using the computer for long periods of time!

- OVER AND OUT -

A good day turns sour

Today started off really well, I got to see my media coursework played on the big screen in one of the cinemas in Cambridge, it was really good and I had a laugh with Shona. It was nice to not feel like I had any pressure to do anything a specific way or act a certain way.

Once the stuff at the cinema had finished I spent pretty much the rest of the day on my own, it was nice in a way to not have to do what everyone else wants me to do, I could just do what I wanted it was great.

But I was soon brought back to reality, I got home to find out my bus pass to college isn’t go to be renewed for free, I’ll have to pay £600 for it… my parents can’t afford that sort of money, neither can I. I don’t know what to do about it, I can’t just leave college if I did that then I'd be proving everyone right, they all think I won’t go to university because I won’t get the grades or I’ll drop out of college. I’m not going to I’m going to keep going, I’ve got this far, I’m not going to give up now.

I have some exciting news though my poetry and lyrics writing is taking off quite well and I’m also thinking about getting back into rapping! So things on that front are looking up!

I hope me and Scott can get back on track properly soon things between us are pretty tough at the moment, I know we’ll get through it, we always do.

I need to get as many extra days as possible before the end of July so I can afford to go to Scott’s I’m sure I will be able to I just need £150 in total for the holiday and train tickets to begin with but then I will need some extra cash for paying for stuff while I’m there. I’m hoping the data entry company sort out their site soon as I can make some money there too but I’m definitely going to make sure I’m at work as much as possible over the next 2 weeks.

- OVER AND OUT -

I’ve never felt so ill/ hurt

I’ve never felt as bad as I have last night/ today. I didn’t get in from this Rock on the Rec thing until late last night so I pretty much went straight to bed as I was meant to have work today but I didn’t sleep at all due to having a really bad back that hurt so much I threw up (pretty nasty I know). I ended up having to phone into work ill due to the fact I had no sleep, my back hurt so much and the other fact of throwing up. My back hasn’t really improved all day, the muscles are all messed up and tight.

Today was one of those days I really wish I could have just been able to cuddle up with Scott and watch DVDs all day, but we can’t because of this stupid distance between us. I’m really dreading the 3 weeks when Scott is away I really am because we won’t be able to talk and it’s going to tear me apart. But then I think of what he is going out there to do and I’m reminded of what an amazing guy he is and how much he thinks of other people. I just wish it wasn’t for so long but I will be seeing him pretty much as soon as he gets back so I’m concentrating on that and the fact it is only 3 weeks and not longer! I just wish we didn’t have this distance between us sometimes.

I keep thinking about wanting to start a business but I haven’t got any ideas on what I want to do…

 

- OVER AND OUT -

What is the point#

Sometimes I really feel like I can’t do anything right.

My family are constantly telling me that I’m never going to come to anything. At college it feels like I have no real mates, they’re always organising things between themselves and I never get included, no one really tries to talk to me. To top it all off it feels like I’m doing the wrong things by Scott all the time too.

I don’t see the point in finishing college or going to university as no one really thinks I will do well at either of them, my parents keep telling me there is no point in me doing either.

I really have had enough of it all.

I just wish I could do the right thing sometimes and that people would believe in me, but they don’t, they don’t think I will come to anything.

My team in the business studies competition at college are in the grand final tomorrow, I haven’t really bothered telling anyone because I don’t really think anyone cares to be honest. Just like me. I don’t know if I’ll bother going though, I don’t really see the point.

Can’t wait for college to be over for this year and to be working full time at work over the summer that way I can earn some money and then get away from everything at the end of it. Need to work out when I need to take time off at the end of August.

- OVER AND OUT -

A little bit of everything

I really don’t know why but I’m on a bit of a downer at the moment, my mood seems to have hit rock bottom again. I really wish Scott didn’t have to go home yesterday, I wish he was still here to give me one of his cuddles. I really miss him, I hate the fact we can’t spend whenever we want together I really do. I have no idea what I’m going to do when he goes to Nepal I spend all my spare time talking to him, I’m going to feel so lost. Two and a half weeks until he goes, it really is going to feel weird to not be able to talk on top of not being able to see each other… 3 whole weeks.

I just wish he was here again…

I’m not able to talk to him tonight either because he's playing football.

I’m properly getting into my poetry stuff now and getting it out there so just need to wait and see what happens really.

My group in my business studies class won the first heat of the competition so we’re through to the next round, pretty cool.

I’m so tired at the moment its insane.

I just want college to be over, but then when it is Scott will be even closer to going away…

Me and Scott are meant to be going on our first holiday together this year when he gets back from Nepal, I’m really looking forward to it, just need to work out when I need to book off work and for it all to be booked. Should be good to spend time together away, and will be quite special too seeing as it will be our first holiday together! Just need to work loads of hours at work and save for the train tickets and for the holiday now! I’m super excited, it’s good to have something like this to look forward to when we’re so far apart.

It’s kind of ended up as a bit of a mashed up post with a bit of everything…

- OVER AND OUT -

A truly amazing weekend

I really have had an amazing weekend. Seeing Scott just for these few days has been amazing! It is really hard right now though knowing he will be on the train back tomorrow but I’m not letting those thoughts ruin the amazing time we’ve had together. It’s just been really good to be a normal couple and go shopping together and eat out together just normal things like that.

I bought him a hoody yesterday and he looked really good in it, I am practically broke now but I haven’t been shopping properly like this weekend in a long time so it’s been nice to be able to treat myself to a few nice things too.

Punting today with Scott and his sister was brilliant too, Scott did all the work but he was actually really good at it! He fell in once, managed to whack me round the head with the metal pole and get me wet with his massive splash into the river.

I’m just really glad we got to spend the time together that we have this weekend, it’s really shown me how good we are together and how stupid all of these little arguments have been. I’m so glad everything is now sorted between us and we are back to how we should be.

Plus it’s been good seeing Stacey too.

I’m still constantly arguing with my Dad and it is really starting to do my head in, and if it doesn’t stop I will start to look else where for somewhere to live because I can’t stand this much longer, it really does feel like I can’t do anything right when I’m around him.

Once I get paid for my data entry job for last month I’m sorting out my railcard so that I can see Scott in the summer and I won’t have to rely on my Dad to take me to see him. As me, Scott and his mum are meant to be going camping or something together, I need to book the time off work though so we need to sort it out soon.

I have an ICT trip tomorrow at college so that should be pretty good!

- OVER AND OUT -

Feels like nothing can go right

I’m still in a bit of a weird mood… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Everything was finally falling back into place, me and Scott were getting good again, I found my place at college, family stuff was all good… but now I just feel like everything is going backwards.

Me and Scott haven’t really spoken over the last 3 days but that goes back to about a week really with all the bad stuff that went on and all of the arguing, and then with the various things he’s been doing over the past few days it seems sometimes like everything we started to sort out has started to become undone. I feel so bad because he is dealing with so much he’s lost 2 friends in a short space of time and I feel like I can’t be there for him properly because of this distance, I shouldn’t be making this any harder on him by bringing all of this up. I feel like he can’t talk to me, he said he went out tonight so he could take his mind of his friend but I thought talking to me would do that… I guess he needed sometime for himself or something over the last few days but whatever he’s needed it’s beginning to feel like he’s pushing me away. I really do understand he has a lot going on but I wish he’s just let me in because all I want to do is help him.

The other things will sort themselves out in time, I just want my boyfriend back, the person I fell in love with, the person who was always happy, who didn’t worry about everything so much, would make everyone laugh, was always making jokes about stuff… lately I haven’t seen that person hasn’t been inside him. I really miss that side of him. I know in time that person will be back, until then I’ll be by his side helping him through whatever comes his and our way, as much as he lets me in to help.

I can’t wait to see him this weekend

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stopped writing this post at that point because my parents started arguing again. It’s been happening a lot over the past few weeks I thought it was going to pass, but it hasn’t and tonight everything literally exploded. My mum has threatened to leave and all I can still hear right now is shouting.

I don’t want her to leave but I can’t deal with all this arguing anymore.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really cannot wait for this weekend and to be able to spend time with Scott and be able to forget everything that has happened these past few weeks

- OVER AND OUT -

Little fed up

Another day where I feel like I haven’t spoken to Scott properly, but he’s at Tom’s funeral and is supporting his sister so I respect that. He text me earlier saying that he wasn’t going to come and visit anymore, I really couldn’t believe what he was saying after I’d booked time off from work and made it so that I could see him… Apparently it was because of an argument with his parents over his sister, but it’s been sorted out and he’s is still coming.

My heads been all over the place the last few days and loads of little things that wouldn’t normally get to me have…Just gotta work through things one at a time and see where things go. But some people are really starting to get to me, I’ve had enough of people taking me for granted and just expecting me to be there whenever they need me and walking all over me, well it’s not going to be like that anymore. I’m fed up of all the stupid arguments. I’m tired of putting myself last so that I can keep everyone else happy, well it isn’t going to be like that anymore I’m going to start doing things for me. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, it’s time to move on from everything in the past and move on into the future with the people I want to be in it.

I’m supposed to have a basketball trial tomorrow but I’m still not sure whether I want to go, I don’t really know if it’s worth it.

I’m just looking forward to Friday – if Scott still comes…

- OVER AND OUT -

Just a little thing me and a friend thought up

 

You say I'm crazy, I guess you're right I am crazy about you
You say stay safe, hold me in your arms then
You say I'm dangerous, I guess you're right I'm dangerously in love with you
You say I think to much... that's because you're on my mind every second of the day

Too much to think about

Way too many things going on in my head right now, I just wish it would all go away.

So many people go around treating others like they’re worthless, I don’t get how they can do that to be honest!

I don’t even know how to explain how I feel either…. I thought writing this would help but it doesn’t…

- OVER AND OUT -

A little improvment

Things seem to be improving a little a college, I think I’m finding my place there again.

My poetry is also improving, I’m just writing all the time whenever I have the time… I’m just loving writing again.

Today I journeyed to Burger King with Koshie and had lunch their… I love Burger King… I think I have an addiction.

I got to go home from college early today because my last lesson was technically cancelled. I might have next Thursday off college because of some teacher strikes.

I’m worried about when Scott and Stacey come to stay in Cambridge, because I don’t want Stacey to get up set about me and Scott being together (like physically)… I think I would in her position… So I don’t want things to be awkward for her, but at the same time I want to be able to be with Scott properly for a change especially as we will actually be able to be a proper couple, well at least for a few days… So I don’t know what to do about that….

Anyways, early night as I need to get enough sleep so that I am able to go to work at the weekend…. I have no weekend this weekend I am going to be so dead next week.

- OVER AND OUT -

Ps I might be a properly published poet soon…. all down to if kindle accepts me ebook filled with poems…. already working on my second one, REALLY EXCITED

Feeling Unwanted

I don’t know what to do.

Scott is dealing with so much with his sister at the moment if feels like he hasn’t got time for us, I don’t blame him or Stacey for that at all, I totally understand the situation. He needs to be there for his sister and she should be his priority, I get that I really do, and I probably sound really selfish and completely horrible for saying this, but I just feel in his way at the moment because we haven’t really spoken over that last few days as he’s needed to help his sister, I totally get that – I just need to be patient and wait till he has time for us again, however long that is.

I’m really worried about my cousin, she’s pregnant but it’s really risky because she has a hole in her heart, everything was going really well for her until the last few days, she’s been taken into hospital… the baby is fine but she isn’t and they think it’s to do with her heart.

I feel pushed out by all of my mates too, I really don’t feel like I belong anywhere at the moment, like I have to try to hard to get heard… I’m beginning to give up on everyone. I do the best I can by everyone and all it leads to is being pushed to the side.

Just needed to say this without exploding at someone.

I’m putting together my first proper ebook which has all my poetry in it – it’s looking pretty good at the moment.

- OVER AND OUT -

Rest In Peace

3 people have died in 2 days, its quite hard to believe….

The first of those people is Tom Roy, he was really special to Stacey (Scott’s sister) as he was her boyfriend. I only really met him once but he seemed like such a decent guy and really made her happy and for someone who has been through as much as she has to have someone like Tom was everything she needed and it’s so cruel for him to have that taken away from her.

The second person is James Clennell my friend Bethany’s friend I never met him, but from what she has said to me she has a lot of memories with him. So really my thoughts go out to his family and Bethany and anyone who knew him.

The third person is Ryan Dunn from Jackass. This is different from the two people I’ve already written about as he is famous, but like those I have already written about but like those I have mentioned he has a family and has friends but also a lot of fans that will be sad to here about his passing.

I’ve never lost anyone close to me, thankfully, so I can’t begin to think of what any of these people are going through, but I know they have a lot of people supporting them and helping them get through it, for some people that is a short time and for others it is a longer process and takes a longer time, but they will never forget those who they have lost because of the memories and the impact they have had on their lives.

REST IN PEACE, YOU’LL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN

It’s hard… it really is.

Me and Scott are patching things up I know most people think that I’m stupid but I love him and I care about him and we both want to make things work. There is a big trust issue for me with him right now because of what I saw, it will take time for that to come back I know it won’t come back over night but I hope he understands that and realises it. Things are incredibly hard at the moment but we are working things out and are trying to move forward. I just hope that he proves to me I am doing the right thing by giving him this chance and not make me look like a mug for giving him this chance. – The only thing that is getting me through this is how much I love him and care about him – If he throws it back in my face I’m cutting him out of my life for good because I can’t go through this again.

Today I went to a higher education conference, which has made me really think about this whole uni thing again. I have a lot of reading to do now and a booklet from college to fill out too.

I’m working tomorrow and need a lot of sleep before I’m remotely ready for being there… I’m so exhausted I can’t begin to describe it.

- OVER AND OUT -

I love you… even now

Today has possibly been the worst day, I could of ever had… well that I have ever had.

1 year and 2 months and the whole time Scott has been seeing other people. I even thought we would be able to sort it out but once I saw the full extent of it I didn’t think that I would be able to trust him. Plus right now I think we both need time apart because he can’t have been happy in the relationship for him to be seeing other people, and I really don’t think our relationship stood much chance if he couldn’t admit it.

Right now all I’m doing is sorting my life out because where there used to be a person who was such a big part of it, there is now a massive gap.

I wish I didn’t have to say goodbye to him, but for now… it’s what I’m going to have to do, one day in the future things may change, but I need to do what’s right for me and that means I need a break.

It was the hardest decision that I’ve had to make in a really long time, because I thought there was a lot of happy memories there but that must have only been me who thought that.

- OVER AND OUT -

Start of Year 2

Things between me and Scott have been all over the place a lot recently, but right now things between us are really good and hopefully they will stay like this. I’m really looking forward to seeing him in July! He wants me to go on this canal tour thing with his family but I don’t know a lot about it, although hopefully I can go.

Not a lot has been happening really, I’m going back to college tomorrow and starting my second year of college already! Even though I may not be able to get in yet… kind of crazy when you think about it. If i do get in for next year then I’ll be one step closer to going to uni, if not…. then I’ll have to think of something else to do!

Anyways I need to sleep and read my new book.

- OVER AND OUT -

Ever get that feeling your not wanted?

Kind of how I’m feeling right now. I’ve hardly seen or heard off of any of my ‘mates’ since we broke up for study leave and I feel really distant from my family right now too. It doesn’t look like me and Scott will be seeing each other over the summer very much either…

I just wish I had something to look forward to over the summer, I can’t guarantee that I’ll do anything with any of my mates because when I’m not at college we don’t really speak, and with Scott being away for most of it I can’t see us being able to do anything either. Plus I’m not going on holiday with my family this year either, this summer is shaping up to be one I’d rather forget already, and it’s not even started! I just wish I had some plans, at least I know I’ve got work to fall back on if I can’t sort anything else out.

I looked at going to T4OTB seeing as I couldn’t go last year, but turns out that would be way to expensive.

I was kind of hoping me and Scott could go away together, but that was wishful thinking, considering how much it would cost, and that it would be hard to get there, plus Scott’s parents wouldn’t let us anyways, mine probably wouldn’t be too keen either so that one got ruled out.

I just wish I had something planned to look forward to, and that it felt like someone wanted me around…

I don’t know why but I’ve been in tears over all this for no reason, it’s not something I should cry about, it’s just making me feel worse and incredibly stupid.

I just want something to look forward to! Is that too much to ask?

I hate being in this kind of mood, I just want to be able to cuddle up with Scott… but I can’t. it would make everything feel so much better, it really would. I miss him more than ever right now, I can’t wait to see him and be able to spend some time with him.

- OVER AND OUT -

Just one of those days

Today I’ve been in a really odd mood, I’m thinking about things way to much that I would normally think about. It really isn’t like me to be like this.

I was really worried this morning because I woke up to a text from Joe saying that our ICT exam was today and not tomorrow. Turns out it is actually tomorrow, I figured that out after 20 mins of panicking.

Once I realised I was actually going to be home all day I decided to just chill out completely all day, something I haven’t been able to do in a while, I ended up doing some data entry work (earnt £9.10, I’ve worked out that this month i should earn over £200, will be pretty cool if that happens!!) and I’ve spent hours playing on zoo tycoon, so basically I’ve wasted the day.

I have spent quite a bit of the day talking to Scott which has been good and will really make up for the fact I can’t talk to him for practically the whole day tomorrow as I’m in isolation all day…. I’m really not looking forward to it. I’ve discovered that he looks REALLY good in a proper shirt, I think he should wear them more often.

I’ve been looking at starting driving lessons again but I really do think it’ll be way to expensive for the time being, especially when I’m trying to save for uni.

Me and Scott have started to have major problems again tonight. He had ago at me for being upset, which I can’t really help if that’s how I feel, I thought he would have been there for me but instead he had a go at me. I don’t think I’m allowed to have feelings anymore. He posts all our problems on facebook and that kind of annoys me because our relationship is private, I don’t want everyone knowing all our problems like that… Plus I found out that the chain I got him for us being together a year, he never got fixed after it got broken, that kind of hurt me a little bit because that was supposed to be something special, but it can’t of meant that much to him if he’s left it this long. I wish things like this would stop happening between us…

Milly has invited me out with everyone for a Chinese, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go as if I do I won’t be able to afford to do anything with Scott and Stacey when they come to stay in Cambridge.

- OVER AND OUT -

Happy Birthday!

Today is my brother, Aaron’s, birthday. He is 14. I haven’t written anything for a few days because there hasn’t really been a lot to write about.

Yesterday I was at work again. It was unbelievably busy as the rota had been messed up so we were short staffed. So I ended up working all over the place, I worked in the ticket and main shop for most of the day with Haley and Scott, then for about an hour or so I got trained by Abbie on how to work in the ice cream kiosk, which turned out to be fairly simple! It was just so busy, apart from my lunch break I didn’t really stop until 6pm.

Once I left work I had to go down to Tescos with my Dad because I needed to get a present for Aaron and I wanted to pick up an external hard drive as they were on offer! I also picked up a mouse to use with my laptop. I also bumped into Kersha and her mum Nina, we had a good catch up and chat about loads of stuff.

I then went down to the Chinese and fish and chip shop with my Dad to get some tea.

This morning Aaron woke me up at 5am because he wanted to open his presents… I wasn’t happy seeing as it is my day off from work I wanted to be able to have a lie in. It didn’t happen although he did like the dvd I got him, so that was good.

Me and my Mum and Dad then went to Tescos (again!) to go and get some food as we don’t have a lot in our house, I wanted to get a new purse but I didn’t like any in Tescos so we went down to the factory shop and I was able to pick a really nice one up in there for £2 and I got two new pairs of plimsolls.

We then went to the beafeater to have a meal to celebrate Aaron’s birthday, everything took ages to arrive but the food was really good! I love the food there especially the chocolate fudge brownie sundaes.

Once we came home I’ve spent the evening trying to come up with some ideas for my own business with Scott and he’s come up with some really good stuff for me! I really appreciate it, he’s really good with ideas and helping me out with things like this. I feel really bad though because the last few days I’ve been really snappy with him because I’ve been so tired, and worn out from work and the lack of sleep I’ve been having. But I’m so glad he’s there for me through it all, and I’m so glad he puts up with everything he does from me because I love him so much.

Not a lot else to say really, back to work tomorrow!

-OVER AND OUT -

Creative Day

Everything between me and Scott are going so well at the moment, he really does make me incredibly happy.

Today has been a really good day overall, I just feel happier about everything in general.

Got work tomorrow and I have to bike there and back, should be interesting…. But I’m looking forward to it, even if it can will be really busy!

I haven’t got a lot else to say really, all I’ve really been doing all day is planning, the book I’m going to write and I hope it will be the first thing that I can get published, I love writing and I hope that I can be successful doing it. I have also been writing some rap lyrics and starting to produce the song. So I have a bit of a creative day today. Oh yeah, I was looking at doing the race for life but I’m not sure that if I will or not, if I am going to I’ll have a month to get sponsors and train for it… but I’m really not sure about doing it…

anyways, bed time soon as I have work tomorrow!

- OVER AND OUT -

Up and Down

Today has been and up and down day, one minute things are good and and I’m in a good, happy mood the next things are bad and I’m sad and upset.

Me and Scott have been a bit up and down but now everything is good again! and hopefully it stays that way. I LOVE YOU SCOTT!!

Not a lot has happened today really, I’ve just had a bit of a chilled out day as I’m working tomorrow., unusually I’m not looking forward to it, I think that is because I’m so tired at the moment. Plus it will probably be busy as its half term, not fun….

Well there isn’t a lot else to say…

- OVER AND OUT -

Plenty to do today

Today has been quite a busy day.

First thing this morning I spoke to Scott on skype, we had a really good chat so it was a nice way to start the morning off!

Then I had to bike to work which is 3.3 miles from my house it only took me 30 minutes to get there though which was a lot faster than I thought it would take me, it meant that I arrived an hour early for work! I had issues with my bike lock as it didn’t even work… It wasn’t too bad arriving to work early as Bethany arrived about 15 minutes after I did so I wasn’t on my own for long, we had a nice little chat and then went into work on time, checked the rota and waited for everyone to arrive.

We all walked down to the play barn apart from Rosie and Scott as they were working in the shop, as soon as we got in the door at the play barn Bethany got a phone call from May saying that I needed to go down to the shop, so I walked all the way back again.

Once I got in the shop I had full till training on the new till, there was a few people arriving to begin with but as we had bad weather it wasn’t that busy. As there wasn’t many people to admit into the park me and Rosie ended up bagging animal feed to sell, we had quite a good chat while we were doing it too. Then May cam and asked if I could help clean the fish filter with her so we spent quite a while making sure that was totally clean and hosing it down, it was quite funny as May kept worrying about me getting my shoes wet. Then I got asked to catch a guinea pig which was quite easy, it got taken out to an event. When I came back into the shop Rosie was going home because she felt ill so then I spent a while selling tickets and various other items in the shop.

I got to have my lunch at 2pm and went outside with Megan and Bethany and ate my lunch while they had their fags, as their lunch finished before mine we went in early and I finished my lunch inside. When I finished my lunch break Bethany had come down from the play barn to help out in the shop. We spent a while filling up more bags of feed to sell as the shop was really quiet. I was then sent off to go do litter picking which took ages as people seem to find it really difficult to put their rubbish in the bins! Once I had done that I did various other little jobs in the shop, tiding up and things like that. Then May showed me how to clean the outside toilets round the park and the ball pit that took quite a while today and isn’t the best job to be given at work! When I had finished that I went back into the shop and helped Bethany to make some keyrings, then I got to go home!

My Dad came to pick me and my bike up so that I didn’t have to bike all the way home which was pretty nice. My phone started playing up so since about 6.15 I haven’t been receiving texts properly, I think I may have sorted it now but I don’t know…

Scott has been to hospital again, he’s cracked his knee cap… I really hate it when he’s hurt himself coz it really worried me especially as when we’re so far apart I can’t do anything to help.

Been collecting some more software onto my laptop, I now have mac’s photobooth on my windows laptop and I also have sony vegas pro.

Not a lot else to say really, just watching Manchester United in the champions league final and then I’m going to bed because I’m really tired.

- OVER AND OUT -

Getting Geeky

I didn’t post anything yesterday as I was setting up my BRAND NEW laptop. I finally finished setting it up today, I now have everything on here that I want on it.

I love having my 18th birthday present early coz now it means I have all my recording software set up properly, and all of my beat making software. I’ve just got the huge task of putting all of my music on to disks now.

I have work tomorrow and I really don’t feel like going because I have to bike all the way there… and it’s going to take like an hour… doesn’t sound very fun!

Not a lot happened today other than me getting all geeky with my laptop!

- OVER AND OUT -

Day out with the grandparents

 

I haven’t posted anything recently as there hasn’t really been a lot going on.

Yesterday – Exam Day

At the moment I am on study leave which means I only have to go in for the exams.

Yesterday I had my business exam, at 9am, I really wasn’t awake enough to sit an exam. I don’t think I did as well as my last exam for business (I got an A)  but as long as I pass I will have the chance to re-sit it next year.

The exam was supposed to finish at half 10 but we started it late which meant me and Matt missed the 10.50 bus, we decided to walk down to Waitrose to buy some food, (I got a chicken and stuffing sandwich, I love them) then we walked all the way back to other bus stop to meet Sophie and Jonny (It was Jonny’s Birthday) and got the 11.50 bus with them.

Once I finally got home I watched neighbours and just chilled out all afternoon.

TODAY – Lunch in Scotsdales with my grandparents

Today, me and my Mum went out with my Nan and Granddad to Scotsdales and had lunch in the garden centre and had a look round. It was really nice to see them as I haven’t seen them for ages, because I’m usually at college or work whenever they come over to our house.

I saw an advert in the paper this morning for a sale on a laptop at Argos with a 6GB RAM which is really unusual, my parents have agreed to pay for it tomorrow and I’ll just pay them back £150 of it, as the rest will be for my 18th birthday present. I can’t wait to get it as then I’ll be able to start getting all the software that I want and not have to worry about effecting the pc for everyone else. Can’t wait for tomorrow!

Waterloo road tonight, I love that program.

- OVER AND OUT -

Sometimes Life Is Busy...

 

Friday Night – Work Outing (Lucky Star & Bowling)

Friday I ended up coming home from college early as I didn’t want to sit through endless optional revision sessions.

I spent the afternoon at Bethany’s having a catch up, we then went to the station to catch (and meet everyone else on) the train. Originally for our work evening out we were supposed to go to Nando’s but because we were going to have to wait 50 minutes for a table big enough to fit us all on (9 people; me, Bethany, Lucy, Megan, May, Scott, Josh, Lucy and Rosie) we decided to go to the Luck Star instead which is an all you can eat Chinese Buffet. We all ate loads of food and as Bethany put it – went into food comas. Lovely May paid for everyone’s food too! We then went bowling although Josh and Scott didn’t come as they were going to a party instead. Bowling was hilarious as May wanted to get us all drunk, plus we were all terrible at bowling. It was a really great evening generally as it was good fun and everyone was just really relaxed. We got a taxi home at about half 11, the taxi journey was really funny as we were all a little bit tipsy.

 

Saturday – Work

This morning was quite a struggle to get up due to the late night, BUT I did manage to get up and out of bed at 7:30 am which I thought was pretty impressive.

I started my day this morning talking to Scott on Skype, which was really nice way to start the day off. Especially now that everything is good between us again, we had a really good conversation and had a good laugh together too.

Today has felt like a really long day as it was really busy at work. I’m starting to feel more settled in the job because I’m becoming more familiar with everything. There are new tills though which are slightly more confusing than the old ones but I’m sure it won’t take too long to get used to them!

I’m starting to come down with a cold but I think that’s because of the lack of sleep I’ve had over the past week or so. I’m planning on having an early night so that I’m prepared for work tomorrow!

- OVER AND OUT -

I got a certificate

Today at college it seemed to be a complete waste of time.

First lesson, business, all we did was some revisions sheets that we had done before.

Second lesson was actually worth going in for I got my certificate for the health course I have been doing, plus i got my t-shirt. Plus our photo is going to be in the college magazine.

Third lesson, media, all we did was play singstar. Me, Shona and Becka best Joe and Saffy it was good fun, but really a waste of an hour and a half.

Last lessons was ICT and it was yet again really pointless. All we did was go through stuff we had done before.

I’m really tired now and just want to cuddle up in bed with Scott… I can’t wait to see him. I really miss him. I’m so glad that we have sorted everything out and that it’s all good between us again.

I’m going out tomorrow night with work, I’m going to my friend Bethany’s (who I haven’t seen since leaving secondary school) house, then we’re getting the train together, then meeting everyone at Nando’s and going bowling. Should be a really good night! I’m really looking forward to it. Although I’m working Saturday and Sunday so lack of sleep may kick in at some point.

Bout it really…

- OVER AND OUT -

I feel like I’m living in the fast lane and I want to slow down

 

Sometimes I feel like everything and everyone in my life are trying to make me move along and decide things faster than I want to. Everyone wants to make plans and decisions, sometimes I don’t want my life to be all mapped out I just want to see where it goes.

College just seems to be passing by so quickly and we are making so many decisions about our future that are going to effect the rest of our lives, I just wish I knew if I was making the right ones, or at least for it slow down a little so that I can think about the decisions I have to make a little more.

It’s like Scott has everything planned for us, already he wants us to be married and have a family, it’s like I’m 17. I want those things too but I’m not planning all of that yet I want to enjoy what is going on now not be planning my whole future out… I guess it’s just scary to think about all of that sometimes, I don’t know how to tell him that we’ve being moving quite fast in our relationship the last few months and I want it to slow down a little without hurting his feelings or hi feeling like I’m pushing him away. I know we’ve been together for a over a year but I feel kind of like my whole life is being decided for me, I don’t mean that in a bad way I just wish sometimes that we could slow down a little and just enjoy our relationship and what we have rather than deciding what is going to happen in the future…

I wish sometimes I could just take everyday as it comes but everyone seems to be wanting me to make some sort of plan or commitment to do with my future, I just wish it would all slow down a little.

I think all of this thinking about life is to do with all of my exams at the moment… but  I’ve been feeling weird and confused for a while about things but I’ve only just really realised what is going on in my head.

I want to take a step back from everything and take a look at everything in a different light so I can really see what is going on without someone pressuring me to make a decision about something.

I feel like I’m in the fast lane at the moment and I just wish someone would but the brakes on everything just for a day or so… just so I can think.

- OVER AND OUT -

1 out of 4

I managed to finish the massive list of entries I got assigned by my data entry boss people in my free today which I was quite chuffed about!

My business lesson at college was pretty boring today we got feedback on our mocks from our teacher individually which meant once your 2 minutes of advice was up you had to sit and revise. As usual in these kinds of circumstances I got side tracked and found plenty of other things to do other than the revision that was in front of me.

Lunch was a normal lunch really nothing exciting happened in particular.

I had half of my free as I had my Media exam today (the first of four exams). I don’t think I did very well in it to be honest as I didn’t understand half of the paper that was worth 50 marks, which could effect my grade quite considerably.

Me and Scott are slowly getting back to how we used to be/ should be , it really is a case of giving it all some time to sort itself out.

I’m really looking forward to Friday, going out with work and getting to see Bethany, it will be good to have a catch up. Then I’m working with her on Saturday as well. Plus I’m working Sunday… This week is turning into a pretty good week for earning money.

I decided to work on the last few parts of my little project so that I would be able to launch it, turns out where blogger was down the whole thing was put back to where it was 3 weeks ago or something stupid so I’ve spent most of this evening rebuilding it, the launch is now being put back by a few days while everything is being sorted out…

Today hasn’t been that interesting really.

- OVER AND OUT -

Exams, stress & more stress

 

Today has been surprisingly good although I’ve been tired all day which hasn’t been to great. Plus it was a full day at college without any frees, although I had a laugh with everyone which made it feel as though the day was passing really fast.

I have my media exam tomorrow, I’m starting to get really nervous for it I don’t feel prepared at all… BUT I have a free first thing tomorrow which means I can revise then.

I have reached just over 900 entries for my data entry job this month, I’m quite pleased with that considering I have really spent much time doing it.

Me and Scott still aren’t great but things are improving although I have just found out next summer he isn’t going to be around at all, add that to the fact we aren’t going to be able to speak/ see each other for 3 weeks this summer, its just…. We don’t get to spend the time together I would want us to anyways now we won’t get to spend the time we could actually be able to spend together. Its frustrating/ annoying/ upsetting…. I don’t know. But there things Scott wants to do so I can’t get in the way of that. Plus next summer is going to be really important for me because it’s the summer before I go off to uni so it would have been nice to have him around for that, but he’s got things he wants to do so…. These things happen, just can’t focus on them too much until they happen. Plus I was hoping that maybe we could have gone away together as I would be 18 by then but we can’t seeing as he won’t be around next summer and I didn’t want to tell Scott because I was hoping to surprise him bit late for all that now.

Not a lot else to say really, need to catch up on my sleep!

- OVER AND OUT -

Bit of a boring day…

There hasn’t really been much happening today, I was at work.

Work – well it wasn’t too busy, just busy enough so that we didn’t get too bored doing nothing, although we did get to come home an hour early as there wasn’t anything to do. I’ve been invited out on the work thing on Friday, a meal at Nandos and bowling, if I go it means I’ll get to see Bethany, she’s the one who got me the job. I’m working Saturday and Sunday next week, it could be pretty tiring. I didn’t manage to get any pictures of any of the animals because I only had a half hour lunch and I didn’t eat it outside, next time maybe…

I’ve entered the new pepsi competition a zillion times and haven’t won anything, by the time (if) I ever win I might as well of just saved the money and I would have £300.

Got college tomorrow, a full day, not really looking forward to it although I’ve only got this week left then I’m on study leave.

Me and Scott haven’t really spoken much the last few days. Things are okay between us, but they aren’t great/ how they used to be. I guess I’ve just got to give it time and see what happens. We didn’t really talk last night, then we ended up having an argument. We’ve not going to be able to talk properly tonight because it’s his Dads birthday on Tuesday and Scott’s family are having a party for him. In some ways it feels as though we aren’t as close as we used to be, I just wish we could have a ‘normal’ relationship without the distance because sometimes it really strains things and makes things seem a million times worse.

I had a great conversation with my ex Louis just talking about loads of stuff last night/ first thing this morning. Its nice to catch up with someone when you haven’t seen or spoken to them in a long time. I also had a really nice conversation with this guy called Joe who is in my ICT class, Joe is lovely and is always a laugh, he’s the one who cheers me up whenever me and Scott have an argument, plus he’s just a really great guy.

Bout it really…

- OVER AND OUT -

Sometimes thinking too much does damage

Today I have felt really weird in myself, like there is something missing in me and my life.

This morning we went shopping and got food because we literally don’t have any in our house, and I when I say we have no food, I mean we have no food. I managed to get myself some decent stuff too, this is why I have to go shopping or otherwise we end up with loads of healthy stuff – this would be a disaster.

I have spent 4 hours sat in the car this afternoon, it wasn’t fun. It was all in the aid of picking up some canvas roof for my Dad beloved series land rover.

Right now I feel like I don’t know what is going on with me and Scott, we are literally having problems everyday. I feel like I’m in the way all the time even today I asked if he would be on msn so we can talk and his reply felt like he didn’t even want to talk to me. I don’t know what I can do or what I should do anymore, one minute everything is okay the next he’s telling me I’m depressive and bitchy all the time. This isn’t how a relationship should be, I wish I could work out what to do… Maybe I’m thinking about everything too much but I had to write it down and get it out of my head because if I talk about it to anyone it becomes about them and how they feel and not about how I feel, so no one ever gets how I feel.

Enough thinking for the day.

I’m really looking forward to tomorrow and going to work.

- OVER AND OUT -

Me and My Dinosaur

The last 24 hours since I posted have been eventful to say the least. – But there again it is Friday 13th!

Me and Scott have been all over the place literally one minute everything has been fine the next its been really bad. But I think right now everything is pretty good between us! Last night I thought I was doing something nice to cheer him up by sending him the playlist of songs I made (songs that I associate with us) turns out he already had it so it wasn't as special as I thought and I felt like and idiot and though it wasn’t a good idea.

My phone has been playing up majorly today as well – it hasn’t been receiving text since last night…

Today at college I had two mocks, a politics one first thing – which I have more than definitely failed. I didn’t understand a single word of the paper. I then had a free with Milly, Hannah, George and Stuart, we didn’t do anything in particular we just sat around talking, but it was good because because normally I would have my Friday free on my own. Then I had my business mock, it went okay but I definitely need to put in some revision before the actually exam!

Andrew Lansley didn’t turn up for the little conference thing due to protecting the health and safety of the students and the staff at our college. Basically a load of protest groups were saying they were going to turn up and they thought it was all going to get violent so our principal cancelled it. Personally I thought I would have been pretty exciting….

My weekend is going to be unusually busy – tomorrow I’m going shopping with my Mum and Dad, I have to make sure they get the right food, then I have a whole load of things to do for my data entry job – but that means more money! Sunday I’m working at the Wildlife Park, on my lunch break I’ll try and get some pictures of some of the animals… Definitely going to make the most of Saturday though as it’s my only day off where I can do anything this week as I’ve had college all week now and I’ve got work on Sunday.

Not a lot else to say really… Oh yeah the title is because I changed my background/ layout due to the last one breaking, I have no idea why, but now I’ve got a new mascot for my blog my little dinosaur. I love it!

- OVER AND OUT -

The worst I’ve felt in ages

Last night I had the worst nights sleep I’ve had in ages due to the fact I spent most of it throwing up… it really wasn’t nice. Because of last night I didn’t go to college today as I had practically no sleep.

My little project is going really well, I’m really pleased with everything to do with it so far there is still a long way for it to go before I can launch it properly but its getting there.

I have had a really lazy day today because I’ve been so tired. Scott thought I’’ve been off with him but I haven’t I’ve just been really tired. He seems to be down all the time whenever I talk to him at the moment, I hope this isn’t a sign for they way things are going to become between us.

Not a lot else to say people.

- OVER AND OUT -

Have you ever felt like a couple of hours is in fact a lifetime?

Today at college it consisted of only two lessons but somehow they seemed to feel as though they lasted a lifetime. Media was all about exam prep and I still just can’t seem to take in any of the key terms for the exam, we’re having a mock tomorrow – I’m really not looking forward to. ICT consisted of us going over and over things that we have already done, it was pretty boring and I ended up just sitting their refreshing my facebook, probably not the best thing to be doing this close to the exam but my attention span lately has been really short…

Tomorrow I have a full day, no frees, 9am till 4.10 pm its going to be a long day but I hope it passes quickly so that I can get home to work on my project. I’m getting really into it and its really starting to come together, and in a strange way I’m kind of proud of it, I should be able to launch it soon.

I’m getting really excited to be going back to work on Sunday, I love the fact that I have actually finally got a job, plus I love working their as all the people are really nice.

Not a lot else going on really. – Me and Scott are really good at the moment which is a bonus.

- OVER AND OUT -

Short But Sweet

I’m really tired so I’m going to try and keep this post really short.

I’m really worried about Scott as his concussion hasn’t really gone from the weekend and I can’t do anything to help him, I wish there was more I could do but there isn’t. I feel basically useless.

Today has been a fairly busy day, had every single lesson but managed to clear a few things up. I collected the pink form I’ve been waiting for for a few days and filled it in, just need to hand it in tomorrow, I’m applying to be a student mentor.

Life is just really crazy at the moment and I’m starting my own little project which has plenty of ways for it to expand but I’ll tell you all more about that some other time.

I just feel absolutely shattered, at college all day tomorrow but I have two frees so it’s not all bad.

- OVER AND OUT -

intended for yesterday (9th May 2011)

‘One of those days’

“Just when I felt like giving up on us You turned around and gave me one last touch That made everything feel better And even then my eyes got wetter So confused wanna ask you if you love me But I don't wanna seem so weak Maybe I’ve been California dreaming”

I love this song ever since I heard it on her album, the video just makes it even better.

Today has felt like a weird day.

I’ve felt really weird and so confused about loads of stuff in my life. I don’t know why. I’ve just been questioning everything and if I’m making the right decisions, I guess it’s because I’m coming up to that point where the decisions I make now will seriously affect the rest of my life.

Scott sent me a text that was meant for one of his friends, but I started getting annoyed at the fact he had put more kisses at the end to her than he does to me sometimes. Pathetic, I know. When he asked me what was wrong I didn’t tell him because I was being stupid but he hasn’t left it all day.

I’ve started major work on my little project, I’m still keeping it all under wraps until it’s finished and then I’ll explain everything to you.

College today has seemed really boring, Koshie has chicken pox that’s about the most interesting thing that has happened at college.

Business we were just doing revision stuff and it seems like I’m on track but you can never be sure, one day you think you’re doing really well the next day it turns out your not. Politics really dragged today I guess it didn’t really help that the classroom was boiling and it was starting to make me feel ill, although I did surprise myself and I was able to answer some of the questions and normally I don’t even bother participating because I don’t know the answers or don’t understand.

I didn’t have to wait around for the bus as my Dad finished work late so he came to pick me up which was pretty good.

Not a lot else going on really

- OVER AND OUT -

A day By The Sea

I woke up really early this morning purely down to the fact that I just couldn’t sleep and hadn’t been able to all night. So I spent  a while just sorting out my e-mails and stuff.

Once everyone else in my family got up I got ready and then me, my mum and my dad went to Cromer. Cromer is a beach on the Norfolk coast. This was because my dad has to pick up some stuff he had won on ebay. We carried on driving from the persons house so that we were actually on the coast and then got some fish and chips, once we finished lunch we headed back home.

Right now I’m facing a pile of college coursework and two really long lists of data entry to do.

- OVER AND OUT -

Eventful but really good day

I was confronted with one of these today, it was a really exciting moment. I’ll come back to this in a bit though.

I woke up at 5.30am this morning because my phone was going crazy, Scott was in Hospital. I had no Idea why, turns out he fell down some concrete stairs and split his head open. Needless to say I was really worried. But he’s okay now.

I had my trial today, I was really nervous. (kind of like that picture). Anyways I arrived slightly early and the people who greeted me were really nice, plus this girl called Rachel who I used to play football with had a trial too so we had a little bit of a catch up. I spent the morning in the ticket place selling the tickets, programs/ park guides, animal food, stuff like that and learning how to use the till, this is when I encountered my first £50 note, it was pretty exciting! Then I had lunch, which was just a boring packed lunch. Then I went into the play barn where the big cafe is, I spent all afternoon there doing random things like washing up, cleaning tables, serving food, taking orders that kind of things. The day went really quickly, I got paid £25 and got asked to go back on Sunday, and I can't wait to go, looks like my uni savings are on the up!

Today was a good day.

Tomorrow I’m going to Cromer because my Dad won some stuff on ebay that he needs to pick up from there. I like that place I have a lot of memories there.

Me and Scott are good now, really good. Which was a bonus to the day.

- OVER AND OUT -

Major Nerves

I’m really bricking it for today. I just really want to make a good impression. Start at 10am finish at 6pm, if I get the job I start next week, I really need this job!

Found out Scott was taken to hospital last night, I’m really worried about him, because I don’t know what is happening… Although I’m kind of p***** off that he told me he hated this girl called Jazz and that he doesn’t spend any time with her and yet he’s going to the cinema with her, god knows what that’s about (I don’t have a problem with being friends I just don’t like being lied to), plus I try sorting us out last night and he made it all about him again, sometimes I wonder if he thinks I have any feelings too. I really don’t know what is going to happen to us right now, it seems like everything always end up being my fault at the moment and I always end up being the bad person.

Sorry people, needed to vent…

- OVER AND OUT -

Perfect Two

I don’t think Scott remembered but today we have been together for 13 months, quite a long time really. Although today has been kind of ruined by the fact that last night we were arguing and now today things have been weird between us. At the moment we’re not even talking, so things really aren’t that great between us and if I’m honest I don’t really know what to do about it.

I spoke to my ex Louis today/ last night and we had a bit of a catch up since we’ve split up we’ve become really good mates. He’s now got himself a new girlfriend and I’m really pleased for him because he’s been through a lot lately and she seems like a really nice girl, so I hope it all works out for him.

College today has felt really long, most probably because I’ve been in a really bad mood all day and I didn’t sleep last night. I had politics and business today. My politics teacher wasn’t in so we had our old teacher and I ended up doing nothing for the whole lesson, probably not the best plan but I really couldn’t be bothered. I had a free second lesson so I just chilled out with loads of people having a laugh, then I had business which unusually seemed to last forever. Then I got to go home, after a little detour to Waitrose.

Right now I’m preparing for this trial I’ve got tomorrow, wish me luck guys… I really don’t know what to expect since I haven’t been able to get very far with many job applications so right now I’m not getting my hopes up too much.

- OVER AND OUT-

It’s been a long day so there is a long post

Well, what did the day have in store for me today?

Firstly I had a fire drill at college just before our first lesson was due to start. It was pretty cold but Lizzie was happy because she was in first thing but was free till 1.05pm and she was going to be on her own for about 4 hours while everyone was in their lessons., so for her the fire drill meant she had about 5 minutes longer with me and Abbey than she would otherwise of had.

Then I had business, I love my business lessons, they are always really interesting but they always seem to pass really fast which is really annoying. I really can’t wait until I am able to hopefully continue studying it at university. I don’t know why but I just love the subject.

My second lesson is actually scheduled as a free on Thursdays but for the last few weeks I have been taking part in this health workshop which means I will become a ‘health champion’. Basically I’ve been taking sexual awareness workshops, alcohol awareness workshops, drug awareness workshops, and internet safety workshops. In two weeks time we will become qualified to give other people our advice on how to stay safe and answer their questions about those topics, plus we get a t-shirt so people can identify who we are. Plus it’s something to add to my personal statement and my CV.

Lunch was pretty funny me and Lizzie were fairly hyper and just spent most of it messing around quite a lot, it was pretty funny… those moments where you had to be there.

Media seemed to drag quite a bit today which is quite unusual, normal it goes really fast. I don’t know why, I guess it maybe because I wasn’t really enjoying what we were doing in class.

ICT was so funny, I’ve finished all of my coursework so I spent the time helping other people finish theirs, well mainly Sam. He only had half of it done but we managed to get it so he was completely finished by the end of the lesson which was pretty good. Me, him and Jess had a pretty good laugh looking at some of the jobs on gumtree.com some of the stuff we found was pretty unusual to say the least, but there again so was some of our conversations that we were having. Matt’s story about his finger and how he hurt it had me and Kirsty in stiches for about 5/ 10 minutes it was so funny, he just couldn’t stop laughing, it was just his face and all his gestures while he was explaining it.

Since I’ve got home I’ve had a really nice long relaxing bath and settled down to do some of my college work that I have been putting off for a while, watched Kerry Katona the next chapter and gossip girl, I love those two shows!

I have my trial on Saturday and I’m bricking it, but I’m also really looking forward to it. If I get this job it would mean so much to me because it would show that someone really does believe in me, plus it will mean I have a bit of money coming in that I can save for university and preparing for it.

It’s a shame I won’t be able to talk to Scott tomorrow night (he’s going out with his mates) I’m probably going to get really nervous tomorrow and it would have been good to have him to talk to to stop me thinking about all the bad things that could potentially happen.

I have  a short day at college tomorrow, I love Fridays! Plus that does mean I have time to prepare for Saturday. I’m bricking it…

- OVER AND OUT -

Brand New Blog

Some of you may have come a long from my old blog and some of you may be brand new people who have decided to join me and my random goings on.

Today has been a pretty short day at college, I’ve only had two lessons media and ICT. Media was a pretty chilled out lesson but ICT was quite full on with a mock test. I don’t think I did all that well in probably down to the fact I forgot all about it and didn’t revise…

I don’t have any data entry work to do which means I’m not going to earn any money today. But I have been doing it in my spare time the last two days so it’s nice to have a break. I’ve also got my trial on Saturday at Shepreth Wildlife Park which my friend Bethany managed to get for me, hopefully I make a good impression and get the job.

I’ve been looking at volunteering opportunities but there isn’t anything around here, which is really annoying as I wanted to really do something where I was helping someone else.

Anyways that’s it about me for now

- OVER AND OUT -