Rest In Peace

3 people have died in 2 days, its quite hard to believe….

The first of those people is Tom Roy, he was really special to Stacey (Scott’s sister) as he was her boyfriend. I only really met him once but he seemed like such a decent guy and really made her happy and for someone who has been through as much as she has to have someone like Tom was everything she needed and it’s so cruel for him to have that taken away from her.

The second person is James Clennell my friend Bethany’s friend I never met him, but from what she has said to me she has a lot of memories with him. So really my thoughts go out to his family and Bethany and anyone who knew him.

The third person is Ryan Dunn from Jackass. This is different from the two people I’ve already written about as he is famous, but like those I have already written about but like those I have mentioned he has a family and has friends but also a lot of fans that will be sad to here about his passing.

I’ve never lost anyone close to me, thankfully, so I can’t begin to think of what any of these people are going through, but I know they have a lot of people supporting them and helping them get through it, for some people that is a short time and for others it is a longer process and takes a longer time, but they will never forget those who they have lost because of the memories and the impact they have had on their lives.

REST IN PEACE, YOU’LL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN

It’s hard… it really is.

Me and Scott are patching things up I know most people think that I’m stupid but I love him and I care about him and we both want to make things work. There is a big trust issue for me with him right now because of what I saw, it will take time for that to come back I know it won’t come back over night but I hope he understands that and realises it. Things are incredibly hard at the moment but we are working things out and are trying to move forward. I just hope that he proves to me I am doing the right thing by giving him this chance and not make me look like a mug for giving him this chance. – The only thing that is getting me through this is how much I love him and care about him – If he throws it back in my face I’m cutting him out of my life for good because I can’t go through this again.

Today I went to a higher education conference, which has made me really think about this whole uni thing again. I have a lot of reading to do now and a booklet from college to fill out too.

I’m working tomorrow and need a lot of sleep before I’m remotely ready for being there… I’m so exhausted I can’t begin to describe it.

- OVER AND OUT -

I love you… even now

Today has possibly been the worst day, I could of ever had… well that I have ever had.

1 year and 2 months and the whole time Scott has been seeing other people. I even thought we would be able to sort it out but once I saw the full extent of it I didn’t think that I would be able to trust him. Plus right now I think we both need time apart because he can’t have been happy in the relationship for him to be seeing other people, and I really don’t think our relationship stood much chance if he couldn’t admit it.

Right now all I’m doing is sorting my life out because where there used to be a person who was such a big part of it, there is now a massive gap.

I wish I didn’t have to say goodbye to him, but for now… it’s what I’m going to have to do, one day in the future things may change, but I need to do what’s right for me and that means I need a break.

It was the hardest decision that I’ve had to make in a really long time, because I thought there was a lot of happy memories there but that must have only been me who thought that.

- OVER AND OUT -

Start of Year 2

Things between me and Scott have been all over the place a lot recently, but right now things between us are really good and hopefully they will stay like this. I’m really looking forward to seeing him in July! He wants me to go on this canal tour thing with his family but I don’t know a lot about it, although hopefully I can go.

Not a lot has been happening really, I’m going back to college tomorrow and starting my second year of college already! Even though I may not be able to get in yet… kind of crazy when you think about it. If i do get in for next year then I’ll be one step closer to going to uni, if not…. then I’ll have to think of something else to do!

Anyways I need to sleep and read my new book.

- OVER AND OUT -

Ever get that feeling your not wanted?

Kind of how I’m feeling right now. I’ve hardly seen or heard off of any of my ‘mates’ since we broke up for study leave and I feel really distant from my family right now too. It doesn’t look like me and Scott will be seeing each other over the summer very much either…

I just wish I had something to look forward to over the summer, I can’t guarantee that I’ll do anything with any of my mates because when I’m not at college we don’t really speak, and with Scott being away for most of it I can’t see us being able to do anything either. Plus I’m not going on holiday with my family this year either, this summer is shaping up to be one I’d rather forget already, and it’s not even started! I just wish I had some plans, at least I know I’ve got work to fall back on if I can’t sort anything else out.

I looked at going to T4OTB seeing as I couldn’t go last year, but turns out that would be way to expensive.

I was kind of hoping me and Scott could go away together, but that was wishful thinking, considering how much it would cost, and that it would be hard to get there, plus Scott’s parents wouldn’t let us anyways, mine probably wouldn’t be too keen either so that one got ruled out.

I just wish I had something planned to look forward to, and that it felt like someone wanted me around…

I don’t know why but I’ve been in tears over all this for no reason, it’s not something I should cry about, it’s just making me feel worse and incredibly stupid.

I just want something to look forward to! Is that too much to ask?

I hate being in this kind of mood, I just want to be able to cuddle up with Scott… but I can’t. it would make everything feel so much better, it really would. I miss him more than ever right now, I can’t wait to see him and be able to spend some time with him.

- OVER AND OUT -

Just one of those days

Today I’ve been in a really odd mood, I’m thinking about things way to much that I would normally think about. It really isn’t like me to be like this.

I was really worried this morning because I woke up to a text from Joe saying that our ICT exam was today and not tomorrow. Turns out it is actually tomorrow, I figured that out after 20 mins of panicking.

Once I realised I was actually going to be home all day I decided to just chill out completely all day, something I haven’t been able to do in a while, I ended up doing some data entry work (earnt £9.10, I’ve worked out that this month i should earn over £200, will be pretty cool if that happens!!) and I’ve spent hours playing on zoo tycoon, so basically I’ve wasted the day.

I have spent quite a bit of the day talking to Scott which has been good and will really make up for the fact I can’t talk to him for practically the whole day tomorrow as I’m in isolation all day…. I’m really not looking forward to it. I’ve discovered that he looks REALLY good in a proper shirt, I think he should wear them more often.

I’ve been looking at starting driving lessons again but I really do think it’ll be way to expensive for the time being, especially when I’m trying to save for uni.

Me and Scott have started to have major problems again tonight. He had ago at me for being upset, which I can’t really help if that’s how I feel, I thought he would have been there for me but instead he had a go at me. I don’t think I’m allowed to have feelings anymore. He posts all our problems on facebook and that kind of annoys me because our relationship is private, I don’t want everyone knowing all our problems like that… Plus I found out that the chain I got him for us being together a year, he never got fixed after it got broken, that kind of hurt me a little bit because that was supposed to be something special, but it can’t of meant that much to him if he’s left it this long. I wish things like this would stop happening between us…

Milly has invited me out with everyone for a Chinese, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go as if I do I won’t be able to afford to do anything with Scott and Stacey when they come to stay in Cambridge.

- OVER AND OUT -

Happy Birthday!

Today is my brother, Aaron’s, birthday. He is 14. I haven’t written anything for a few days because there hasn’t really been a lot to write about.

Yesterday I was at work again. It was unbelievably busy as the rota had been messed up so we were short staffed. So I ended up working all over the place, I worked in the ticket and main shop for most of the day with Haley and Scott, then for about an hour or so I got trained by Abbie on how to work in the ice cream kiosk, which turned out to be fairly simple! It was just so busy, apart from my lunch break I didn’t really stop until 6pm.

Once I left work I had to go down to Tescos with my Dad because I needed to get a present for Aaron and I wanted to pick up an external hard drive as they were on offer! I also picked up a mouse to use with my laptop. I also bumped into Kersha and her mum Nina, we had a good catch up and chat about loads of stuff.

I then went down to the Chinese and fish and chip shop with my Dad to get some tea.

This morning Aaron woke me up at 5am because he wanted to open his presents… I wasn’t happy seeing as it is my day off from work I wanted to be able to have a lie in. It didn’t happen although he did like the dvd I got him, so that was good.

Me and my Mum and Dad then went to Tescos (again!) to go and get some food as we don’t have a lot in our house, I wanted to get a new purse but I didn’t like any in Tescos so we went down to the factory shop and I was able to pick a really nice one up in there for £2 and I got two new pairs of plimsolls.

We then went to the beafeater to have a meal to celebrate Aaron’s birthday, everything took ages to arrive but the food was really good! I love the food there especially the chocolate fudge brownie sundaes.

Once we came home I’ve spent the evening trying to come up with some ideas for my own business with Scott and he’s come up with some really good stuff for me! I really appreciate it, he’s really good with ideas and helping me out with things like this. I feel really bad though because the last few days I’ve been really snappy with him because I’ve been so tired, and worn out from work and the lack of sleep I’ve been having. But I’m so glad he’s there for me through it all, and I’m so glad he puts up with everything he does from me because I love him so much.

Not a lot else to say really, back to work tomorrow!

-OVER AND OUT -