Everything is going good again!

The past few days have really shown me how much Scott means to me and how much I always hope to have him in my life. It’s just all those little things he’s done or said that have shown me how good are relationship is, and what’s been even better, we haven’t been arguing as much – well at all really and it’s really made the world of difference to us! The last 15 months and a bit have been truly amazing and I know we have a long future together because somehow we always get through whatever is thrown our way, but we don’t do it separately we do it together which I think is really important with the distance between us. I know he’s finding it tough with his sister moving out at the moment, and it’s really tough when he’s on the phone in tears because of everything especially as I can’t physically be there for him and give him a hug – but we can talk things through and work out how to cope with different things. It is good to know I have someone I can open up to without being judged. It’s  even better sometimes that he knows how I’m feeling without me saying anything – it’s nice to not have to explain how I feel sometimes and to just talk things through without having to go over the problem. I love how he’ll do crazy things on skype just to see me smile. He's and incredible guy, and I’m incredibly lucky to call him mine.

Summer has started, and I have no plans other than seeing Scott after he comes back from Nepal and probably working quite a bit of it. It would have been nice to have some plans with some of my mates but in a way I’m glad I haven’t so I can spend some time with my family and working on the things I never get round to. Plus I will have a lot of time to work on my writing which always seems to get pushed back as last priority.

I’m trying to come up for ideas on what to get Scott for his birthday as I want to give him his present rather than send it to him and seeing as I’ll see him the week before his birthday I can, I just don’t know what to get him… I want it to be something different and that he won’t expect, but something personal too.

Not a lot else going on…

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Love a bit of Harry Potter

I saw the new Harry Potter film today, what can I say it was truly amazing, lived up to all of my expectations and more. I would definitely recommend it to everyone! We got to see it at half 9 in the morning before all the public viewings at 12 because our college has some connection with the picture house. Although I would say the 3D feature of the film didn’t really change a lot from the respect there wasn’t a lot of stuff that flew out of the screen like in other films but I wouldn’t say that is a bad thing. Quite a good way to end the college year, roll on next year!

Other than seeing that film I haven’t done a lot, I got my new reading glasses I absolutely hate wearing them but it will mean I won’t get anymore headaches when I’m using the computer for long periods of time!

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A good day turns sour

Today started off really well, I got to see my media coursework played on the big screen in one of the cinemas in Cambridge, it was really good and I had a laugh with Shona. It was nice to not feel like I had any pressure to do anything a specific way or act a certain way.

Once the stuff at the cinema had finished I spent pretty much the rest of the day on my own, it was nice in a way to not have to do what everyone else wants me to do, I could just do what I wanted it was great.

But I was soon brought back to reality, I got home to find out my bus pass to college isn’t go to be renewed for free, I’ll have to pay £600 for it… my parents can’t afford that sort of money, neither can I. I don’t know what to do about it, I can’t just leave college if I did that then I'd be proving everyone right, they all think I won’t go to university because I won’t get the grades or I’ll drop out of college. I’m not going to I’m going to keep going, I’ve got this far, I’m not going to give up now.

I have some exciting news though my poetry and lyrics writing is taking off quite well and I’m also thinking about getting back into rapping! So things on that front are looking up!

I hope me and Scott can get back on track properly soon things between us are pretty tough at the moment, I know we’ll get through it, we always do.

I need to get as many extra days as possible before the end of July so I can afford to go to Scott’s I’m sure I will be able to I just need £150 in total for the holiday and train tickets to begin with but then I will need some extra cash for paying for stuff while I’m there. I’m hoping the data entry company sort out their site soon as I can make some money there too but I’m definitely going to make sure I’m at work as much as possible over the next 2 weeks.

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I’ve never felt so ill/ hurt

I’ve never felt as bad as I have last night/ today. I didn’t get in from this Rock on the Rec thing until late last night so I pretty much went straight to bed as I was meant to have work today but I didn’t sleep at all due to having a really bad back that hurt so much I threw up (pretty nasty I know). I ended up having to phone into work ill due to the fact I had no sleep, my back hurt so much and the other fact of throwing up. My back hasn’t really improved all day, the muscles are all messed up and tight.

Today was one of those days I really wish I could have just been able to cuddle up with Scott and watch DVDs all day, but we can’t because of this stupid distance between us. I’m really dreading the 3 weeks when Scott is away I really am because we won’t be able to talk and it’s going to tear me apart. But then I think of what he is going out there to do and I’m reminded of what an amazing guy he is and how much he thinks of other people. I just wish it wasn’t for so long but I will be seeing him pretty much as soon as he gets back so I’m concentrating on that and the fact it is only 3 weeks and not longer! I just wish we didn’t have this distance between us sometimes.

I keep thinking about wanting to start a business but I haven’t got any ideas on what I want to do…

 

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What is the point#

Sometimes I really feel like I can’t do anything right.

My family are constantly telling me that I’m never going to come to anything. At college it feels like I have no real mates, they’re always organising things between themselves and I never get included, no one really tries to talk to me. To top it all off it feels like I’m doing the wrong things by Scott all the time too.

I don’t see the point in finishing college or going to university as no one really thinks I will do well at either of them, my parents keep telling me there is no point in me doing either.

I really have had enough of it all.

I just wish I could do the right thing sometimes and that people would believe in me, but they don’t, they don’t think I will come to anything.

My team in the business studies competition at college are in the grand final tomorrow, I haven’t really bothered telling anyone because I don’t really think anyone cares to be honest. Just like me. I don’t know if I’ll bother going though, I don’t really see the point.

Can’t wait for college to be over for this year and to be working full time at work over the summer that way I can earn some money and then get away from everything at the end of it. Need to work out when I need to take time off at the end of August.

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A little bit of everything

I really don’t know why but I’m on a bit of a downer at the moment, my mood seems to have hit rock bottom again. I really wish Scott didn’t have to go home yesterday, I wish he was still here to give me one of his cuddles. I really miss him, I hate the fact we can’t spend whenever we want together I really do. I have no idea what I’m going to do when he goes to Nepal I spend all my spare time talking to him, I’m going to feel so lost. Two and a half weeks until he goes, it really is going to feel weird to not be able to talk on top of not being able to see each other… 3 whole weeks.

I just wish he was here again…

I’m not able to talk to him tonight either because he's playing football.

I’m properly getting into my poetry stuff now and getting it out there so just need to wait and see what happens really.

My group in my business studies class won the first heat of the competition so we’re through to the next round, pretty cool.

I’m so tired at the moment its insane.

I just want college to be over, but then when it is Scott will be even closer to going away…

Me and Scott are meant to be going on our first holiday together this year when he gets back from Nepal, I’m really looking forward to it, just need to work out when I need to book off work and for it all to be booked. Should be good to spend time together away, and will be quite special too seeing as it will be our first holiday together! Just need to work loads of hours at work and save for the train tickets and for the holiday now! I’m super excited, it’s good to have something like this to look forward to when we’re so far apart.

It’s kind of ended up as a bit of a mashed up post with a bit of everything…

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A truly amazing weekend

I really have had an amazing weekend. Seeing Scott just for these few days has been amazing! It is really hard right now though knowing he will be on the train back tomorrow but I’m not letting those thoughts ruin the amazing time we’ve had together. It’s just been really good to be a normal couple and go shopping together and eat out together just normal things like that.

I bought him a hoody yesterday and he looked really good in it, I am practically broke now but I haven’t been shopping properly like this weekend in a long time so it’s been nice to be able to treat myself to a few nice things too.

Punting today with Scott and his sister was brilliant too, Scott did all the work but he was actually really good at it! He fell in once, managed to whack me round the head with the metal pole and get me wet with his massive splash into the river.

I’m just really glad we got to spend the time together that we have this weekend, it’s really shown me how good we are together and how stupid all of these little arguments have been. I’m so glad everything is now sorted between us and we are back to how we should be.

Plus it’s been good seeing Stacey too.

I’m still constantly arguing with my Dad and it is really starting to do my head in, and if it doesn’t stop I will start to look else where for somewhere to live because I can’t stand this much longer, it really does feel like I can’t do anything right when I’m around him.

Once I get paid for my data entry job for last month I’m sorting out my railcard so that I can see Scott in the summer and I won’t have to rely on my Dad to take me to see him. As me, Scott and his mum are meant to be going camping or something together, I need to book the time off work though so we need to sort it out soon.

I have an ICT trip tomorrow at college so that should be pretty good!

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