I can’t believe I’m only just realising this now…

When someone isn’t there to talk to when they would normally be there you start to realise somethings like I did today.

I’ve finally realised that what has happened in the past between me and Scott needs to stay in the past all the people getting involved, and saying things, all the past problems. They all don’t need to be put in the past because that’s where they belong, they don’t need to be brought up in arguments. We have a future together and we can’t let the past ruin that.

When we’re not together I miss all the things you would get in a regular relationship but in some ways the distance is a good thing because we talk more than other people do, we appreciate each other a hell of a lot more, and we definitely appreciate the time we get to spend together a lot more.

I’ve also realised how much I don’t open up to him, he’s said it to me, but when I talk to him regularly I didn’t notice how much I haven’t been opening up to him. It must really hurt him. So when he comes back I’ve made a promise to myself that I’ll open up to him like I used to when we first got back together, I’ll tell him how my day has been, what’s bothering me, and what is going on, I’m not going to shut him out anymore because doing things like that will push him away.

I really can’t wait for Scott to get back from Nepal and for our relationship to be how it should be and for us to be happy, making each other laugh like we used to, telling each other stories and just having a good time.

I know I have a really good loving future with Scott, he gives me everything and more. I love him and care about him and recently I’ve stopped showing that and have started taking him for granted and that must hurt him. I’m going to show him how much he means to me when he gets back and how much I really do value every single little thing he does for me. Also how much I wouldn’t want to be without him and how much I value our relationship. He really is one in a million and I am incredibly lucky to have him.

Someone at work asked me the other day if I think Scott is ‘the one’. I haven’t really thought about that kind of thing before, Scott has always said he wants us to get married and have a family and I’ve always sort of given him the one day answer. But since I was asked that question at work I’ve really thought about it and I actually think he is, I want to have a family with him, get married, live together all of it because he is amazing, he does everything and more, he’s always trying to put a smile on my face and keep me happy. I need to tell him this.

Other than doing a lot of thinking about mine and Scott’s relationship I have just had a chilled out day. I didn’t do half a lot of the things I planned to but I’m one day closer to Scott being back and one day closer to being with him and spending time with him. I really can’t wait to spend some time together, go on our first holiday, see his results, watch films, go on some long walks. It’s going to be amazing.

Back to work tomorrow, I’m looking forward to it. 3 days at work then I’m off on Monday so me and my family are going to Southend on Sea for a day out. It’ll be good to spend some time with  my family because we haven’t done that in a while.

-O&O -